Bortaplan. Hemmadomare.

För det första, om ni någon gång åker på semester och tittar er omkring på flygplatsen och undrar vilka som kommer bo på samma hotell som er, då finns det en mycket enkel formel att gå efter: Den jättetrevliga familjen där pappan har Manchester United-tröja och mamman läser samma bok som min fru och som har två barn i exakt våra barns ålder som kommer jättebra överens med våra barn på planet, de kommer INTE bo på vårt hotell.

Den medelålders norska herre som nästan började slåss med mig i passkontrollkön för att jag insinuerade om han försökte tränga sig i kön efter att vi andra väntat i 45 minuter i 700 graders värme omgivna av skandinaver i jeans som blev mindre och mindre passivt passivt aggressiva så hade jag för avsikt att checka in mitt handbagage i den norska herrens stolgång, däremot. Han kommer bo på vårt hotell. På andra sidan korridoren, faktiskt. Med mycket bättre utsikt.

Men hur som helst. Vi är framme nu. Det blev lite stökigt eftersom vår flight i sista stund blev flyttad till den där delen av terminal 5 som man bara kan komma till om man går genom en extra passkontroll, in i en glasbur, nerför två trappor, passerar en korridor och går in i en garderob och fortsätter tills det börjar bli kallt och man ser lyktstolpen. Och väl ombord på planet skulle en medlem ur kabinpersonalen sätta ner en ganska kladdig bricka på kanten av ett ryggstöd medan hon tog emot en annan ganska kladdig bricka, men missbedömde avståndet och satte istället ner brickan ovanpå mitt huvud. Och ovanpå mitt huvud satt min resekeps. Och den är min resekeps för det är den ENDA kepsen jag har med mig på den här resan för min fru och min psykolog sa att det kunde vara ”bra för mig”.

Det blev dålig stämning. Sen kom vi fram och då var det kö, och alla i kön var skandinaver och hade jeans. Och så vidare.

Men NU är vi i alla fall på hotellet.

Och det ska ju sägas direkt att jag verkligen hatar att åka på semester. Givetvis beror det lite på att att semester helt enkelt kräver oacceptabelt mycket mer engagemang av mig än mina vanliga arbetsdagar gör, jag måste till exempel gå till ställen och göra saker på semestern och får inte bara sitta på mitt kontor och titta på Vita Huset hela dagarna. Men det beror även lite på att jag rent principiellt oerhört ogärna reser utanför landet. Eller för den delen går hemifrån alls. Det ska, om jag ska vara helt uppriktig, hända jävligt mycket skit för att jag ens ska överväga att lämna rummet. Det är inget personligt mot något annat land, eller något annat hem, men jag gillar mitt hem. Jag gillar grejerna i det och sätter jag har placerat dem på. Jag tänker inte gå så långt som min psykolog gör (jag kan uppleva att min psykolog går jävligt långt) men det är väl MÖJLIGT att jag inte hanterar förändring så värst jättebra.

Men nu har barnen i alla fall somnat. Och min fru gick ut och hittade en matbutik och kom hem med det här. Och nu känns det lite bättre. ”Där civilisationens frukt blommar finner man hopp för mänskligheten”, brukar jag ju ofta säga.

Eller det brukar jag väl eventuellt inte säga, men min fru hittade i alla fall Pringles och Schweppes Bitter Lemon och jag är redo att ge utlandet en CHANS.

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213 reaktioner på ”Bortaplan. Hemmadomare.

  1. Kan inte låta bli att fundera över hur många gånger du har sett Vita Huset egentligen…….

    Antar att svaret på den frågan hamnar i samma kategori som frågor om antal kepsar och skrivmaskiner iofs, dvs ”Obesvarat”.

  2. Men herregud, vilken ofantlig TUR att du slapp bo på samma hotell som han med Unitedtröjan!!!

  3. Jag känner verkligen igen det där med att lämna landet, hemmet, rummet. Herregud vad folk går igång på det: ”Nu ska vi ha roligt,” säger de. Eller ”Nu måste vi göra något”. Som att sitta i soffan inte är att göra något?

    Jag tror tror att det är människor med väldigt dålig fantasi som säger sådana saker. För vi med lite fantasi, vi behöver ju inte lämna rummet för att lämna rummet. Visst är det så? Eller är det bara jag som är lat, som sambon hävdar?

    Synd att de inte säljer nachos på rummet. Fantasi-nachos är inte lika mättande.

  4. L: Nej, nej… det rätta svaret är ”en handfull” , eller möjligtvis ”några fler än en handfull”..

  5. Är också på semester, samma typ som du tolkat utifrån beskrivningen av skandinaviska män i jeans. Och ja, vilken fullträff det skulle vara att upptäcka att vi befinner oss på samma plats och hotell. Är övertygad om att din fru och jag skulle kunna bli väldigt goda vänner!

  6. Idas Mamma: Då blir fråga istället hur monstruöst stora händer Herr Backman besitter. 😉

  7. L: Du, den har jag också funderat på, med tanke på att man kunde se ungefär 15(!) st skrivmaskiner bara på bilderna från kontoret.. ?

  8. Det var väl nu som den där arbetskilten hade suttit fint. Tänk vad svalt om benen du hade haft det medans de andra svettades som gnuer. Massor med fickor att stoppa grejor i. Var inte den uppe till diskussion förra sommaren?

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