Den lämpliga föräldern

Förälder till mina barns kompisar: (Kommer hem till oss för att hämta sina barn) Hej! Har allt gått bra?

Min fru: (Står i hallen med ytterkläderna på) Hej! Jag vet faktiskt inte, jag kom precis hem. Fredrik har varit ensam med barnen.

Förälder till mina barns kompisar: (Skulle faktiskt kunna uppfattas som lite oroad av denna information, om jag hade varit en känslig person) Åh…okej. Men det har gått…bra?

Jag: Jajaja, absolut, jättebra. Jättebra.

(Tystnad)

Jag: Jättejättejättebra.

Mina barn: (Kommer utrusande i hallen) VI HAR ÄTIT GLASS!

Min fru: Va?

Förälder till mina barns kompisar: Åh…har ni?

Mina barn: FASTÄN DET BARA ÄR TISDAG!

Jag: (Eventuellt lite onödigt irriterat) Ni är faktiskt sämst på att bli mutade!

Mina barns kompisar: (Pekar på mig) Deras pappa trodde att det var lördag, fastän det inte är det, för vi sa att det var lördag, så då fick vi glass!

Jag: (Lite oklart så här i efterhand vem jag egentligen säger det här till) Alltså…jag visste att det inte var lördag…alltså hur lättlurad tror ni att jag…alltså…hur dum tror ni att jag…alltså jag är inte dum. Liksom.

Mina barn: PAPPA VISSTE INTE ATT DET INTE VAR LÖRDAG!

Jag: Alltså…jag vet för fa…jag vet ju vad det är för dag…

Förälder till mina barns kompisar: (Klappar mig uppmuntrande på axeln) Det är okej, det är okej, det är ju bara glass.

Jag: (Kanske lite väl frustrerat) Men alltså jag mutade dem bara! De lurade inte mig…jag mutade dem!

Förälder till mina barns kompisar: (Väldigt fint och förstående) Det är okej. I vilket fall som helst, det är helt okej.

Jag: (Möjligen lite för högt) Alltså jag har inte blivit blåst av ett gäng femåringar! Jag är ingen idiot! Jag vet vad det är för dag!

Min fru: (Nickar faktiskt lite onödigt länge) Vad är det för dag, Fredrik?

(Möjligen kanske eventuellt lite för lång tystnad)

Förälder till mina barns kompisar: Det är tisda…

Jag: JAG SKULLE PRECIS SÄGA DET!!!

(Tystnad)

Mina barns kompisar: Får vi komma tillbaka hit imorgon?

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