Det var han som började slåss på midsommar när någon sjöng ”och vi kan dansa andra hållet med”

När du kör bil på svenska motorvägar finns det en speciell sorts man (det KAN givetvis vara en kvinna också, det är bara aldrig det) som, oavsett vilken hastighet du håller, väldigt beslutsamt kommer köra om dig. Bara för att tjugo meter längre fram sakta ner och lägga sig framför dig i EXAKT samma hastighet som du har hållit hela tiden.

Om du ökar hastigheten med fem kilometer i timmen och kör om denna man kommer han inom en och en halv minut köra om dig igen. Sedan kommer han lägga sig framför dig. I exakt samma hastighet som du håller.

Det här är en sorts man för vilken det inte är viktigt att köra snabbt. Det är bara viktigt att leda. Jag kallar beteendet ”Först and the furious”.

Min högst personliga erfarenhet av denna sorts man är att han tar med sig detta beteende till kön till säkerhetskontrollen på flygplatsen (där han aldrig står bakom dig utan alltid bredvid dig), till guidade turer på museum (där han går två steg framför guiden så att han ska kunna nicka instämmande och säga ”mmm” varje gång guiden presenterar en tavla eftersom mannen faktiskt såg den först), till Ica Maxi-butiker (där han med en kundvagn lastad på samma sätt som om du sagt till en sexåring att glassen är gratis men strutarna kostar 200 spänn styck kör om dig i mjölkdisken och sedan tvärnitar vid den laktosfria gräddfilen och vänder sig om och undrar varför du ”har så jävla bråttom då!?” när du som konsekvens kör din vagn rakt in i en stapel energidryck på extrapris för att du med all din kraft försökte undvika att köra över hälarna på mannen ifråga) och middagsbuffén på färjan till Estland (där han marscherar rakt in i mitten av kön för att han ”bara ska ha några grejer här” och sedan metodiskt börjar sträcka sig BAKÅT över buffén för att han bara ska ha några grejer där också).

Jag är inte på väg någon särskild stans med det här.

Jag ville bara säga att alldeles nyss satt jag i en telefonkö väldigt länge. En trevlig röst räknade metodiskt ner ungefär var nittionde sekund. ”Du har nu 46 samtal före dig i kön. Du har nu 45 samtal före i kön. Du har nu 44 samtal före dig i kön.” Men PRECIS efter att rösten hade sagt ”du har nu 2 samtal före dig i kön” klickade det till i luren och så sa samma röst omedelbart ”du har nu 1 samtal före dig i kön”.

Och den enda rimliga slutsats jag kan dra av det är att den här mannen ringde det här telefonnumret precis före mig, och väntade lika länge som jag, men när han hörde ”du har nu 1 samtal före dig” så stod han inte ut och slängde på luren.

Jag vet inte exakt hur ett vattenkraftverk fungerar. Men jag tänker mig att två sådana här män i samma roddbåt borde kunna lösa en del av energikrisen.

187 reaktioner på ”Det var han som började slåss på midsommar när någon sjöng ”och vi kan dansa andra hållet med”

  1. Det var för denna människotyp vägverket uppfann 2+1 vägarna med vajerräcke, höjden avnjutning är att köra om precis innan en enkelvägsträcka och sen se hur ögonvitorna blir större och större på föraren i bilen bakom 😀

  2. Angående de här 2 + 1-vägarna… Varför, VARFÖR, är det allt som oftast en bil framför på 2-sträckan som kör i ”bra” hastighet för att sedan direkt när man kommer till 1-sträckan sakta ner? När det sedan åter blir 2-sträcka och man tänker att ”nu kör jag om den här slöfocken”, ja då ökar han hastigheten igen? (vilket leder till att man inte kör om, men sedan upprepas samma sak vid nästa 1-sträcka. Arrrrrgh…..)
    Man behöver inte sakta ner när det bara blir en körbana!!! Det är samma hastighetsbegränsning som före och efter!!!

  3. Nu var du förvisso inte på väg någon särskild stans med detta, Fredrik, men eftersom ordet ”stans” också är en benämning för hur golfspelares fötter är placerade (vid utslag av golfboll kan förmodas; hur en golfspelares fötter är placerade vid andra tillfällen och om det finns särskilda ord även för det vet jag inte) så funderar jag lite kring hur en sådan man är att spela just golf med.
    För är det inte så att den som leder skall slå ut först och sedan är det närmast hål som gäller och då slår den som är längst bort från hålet först eller något sådant. Väl?
    Jag kan inte. Jag spelar inte golf – MEN SKIT I DET – exakt HUR skulle en sådan person rent mentalt klara av spelet golf, eftersom han alltid vill vara karavanledare (tack Raggoparden för att jag lärde mig ett nytt ord!) och inte kan vara det på egna villkor utan istället måste rätta sig efter regler? Såvida han inte är hysteriskt duktig på golf, då leder han ju iofs jämt…..

    Okej. Möjligtvis dog min fundering lite där.
    Skall ta ett glas mjölk nu. Det är ju ändå fredag.

  4. @Magnus Var det inte du som blev ombedd att lämna bloggen här om dagen? ?

    2+1-vägarna är för övrigt djävulens påfund. Snacka om att hetsa folk till att känna sig ”tvungna” att göra idiotomkörningar, bara för att passa på. ?

  5. @Magnus På golfbanan blir det mycket ”Äh, jag kan lika gärna slå, jag är ju ändå snart klar!” alternativt ”Jag passar på att slå medan ni håller på och koncentrerar och så!” av den mannen. Spelar ingen roll om vederbörande bokstavligen måste stå mitt i din puttlinje (det kallas faktiskt så) och böka.

  6. Karavanledare var ett bra ord, jag har skaffat en bil med 400 hästar i en kompressormatad V8 lite för att slippa dem precis framför mig, istället reduceras de till leksaksbilister i backspeglarna. Där kan de få hållas.

    Några visdomsord från min sponsor:

    ”Du behåller din plats i kön, du är fortfarande sist.”

    ”Kör före ni så väntar jag på er där framme.”

  7. När jag tänker efter så var det nog den gode Thorsten som uppfann Ove. Jag minns någon text som beskrev en icke namngiven man som vägrade stanna och fråga om vägen, och alltid drog sig i det längsta för att stanna och tanka, trots fruns invändningar om att ”jaha, vart tar de där sista två literna oss tror du? Jo två mil längre ut i ingenstans”.
    Kanske var Oves äldre bror.

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