Mitt föräldraskap och lite om hur det går

Jag är ensam hemma med barnen, eftersom min fru har ett sånt där riktigt jobb där man har kollegor och chefer och ledningsgrupper och man åker iväg på kickoff och konferens utan att man behöver göra citationstecken runt ”konferens” som den där gången när jag hade ”julfest” på mitt jobb och det egentligen bara var jag som satt ensam på mitt kontor och drack julmust och kollade på 21 Jump Street i sju timmar.

Hur som helst.

Jag är ensam med barnen. Och för er som inte har några barn (eller är såna där föräldrar som är kompetenta föräldrar och vet vad fan ni håller på med och sjunger tillsammans när ni åker bil och håller på) så kan jag berätta att det ABSOLUT viktigaste när man är ensam hemma med två barn som är 2 och 5 år är att man under inga som helst omständigheter får låta dem vända dygnsrytmen. Låter man dem vända dygnsrytmen är man körd. Man är Ray Liotta i Maffiabröder när han står i köket med en väska kokain i handen och hör polishelikoptern. Det är möjligt att jag kommer ihåg den scenen fel. Men ni fattar vad jag menar.

Låt aldrig de små jävlarna vända dygnsrytmen!

Så jag planerade det här och väckte barnen klockan sex imorse. Och min son sa ”va? Det känns som att jag kanske har sovit en enda timme!”, och sen tittade han ut och sa ”det är mörkt ute!”, och då sa jag ”ja, ja, men det är för att det är vinter, då är det mörkt på morgonen, nu måste vi äta frukost!”. Så till slut fick jag upp båda barnen och vi åt frukost och sen passerade dagen som den gör när man är en asbra förälder. Och så blev det kväll, och då gick jag runt här och gäspade en stund, och sen sa jag ”oj vad MÖRKT det är ute!” och sen gick vi och la oss.

Klockan 19.00. Och då somnade barnen.

De. Som. Nade.

Eftersom jag är ett geni.

Och så somnade jag också. Och jag sov så gott, så gott, så gott som bara en sån där perfekt förälder som ger andra föräldrar på Familjeliv rådet ”det gäller bara att vara tydlig och konsekvent alltså mina barn till exempel sov i sina egna sängar innan de ens hade fötts och har aldrig ätit konserveringsmedel!” kan göra. Jag drömde att jag var i en lekpark med mina barn utan att ha min iPhone med mig och att andra föräldrar frågade om inte jag kunde ge dem lite tips om uppfostran för mina barn var ju så himla bra på att dela med sig och jag hade med mig avokado som mellanmål för det äter vi i vår familj och…ja.

Sen blev klockan 20.00 och då väckte mina barn mig, klarvakna och utvilade, och sa ”pappa vi vill ha frukost!”. Och jag sa ”va? Det känns som att jag kanske har sovit en enda timme!” och sen sa jag ”det är ju MÖRKT ute!”.

Och då sa mina barn ”det är för att det är vinter, pappa”.

Så det här går ju perfekt.

Fucking perfekt.

78 kommentarer

  4. Made my day! Och ja, jag har ett ganska händelselöst och trist liv så kanske inte är så imponerande, men iaf. Du skriver ofta helt underbara inlägg. Och våga bara inte lägga ner det här bloggandet elr ngt, för det vore faktiskt fruktansvärt själviskt…

  6. Hej Fredrik! På skottdagen fyller jag 18år! Då funderar jag på att fria till min 75-årige man,som jag varit förlovad med i 5 år.Nu när du vet detta kan jag berätta att jag älskar dig också. Jag läser allt du skriver, och dina böcker har gett så mycket. Jag fattar inte riktigt varför, men varje gång jag läst en bok, som du skrivit, har jag en lycklig känsla inombords. Såg naturligtvis filmen om Ove. För mig blev den ännu bättre för att jag läst boken innan.
    Hälsa din fru och dina barn, och var riktigt rädda om varandra! Om jag friar till min man, tror du han svarar ja? Jag tror inte det finns någon annan som vill ha oss. Många hälsningar från Lillemor

  7. Lillemor vilket fin inlägg. Hoppas din fästman planerat fria dig på din 18 de födelsedag ( du fyller ju inte 18 år utan fyrar 18e födelsedag !antar jag hehe)

  8. Där blev du körd igen. Helt underbart!
    Var och såg filmen om Ove och den var faktiskt nästan lika bra som boken. Jag älskar boken och brukar undvika se filmer baserade på böcker jag älskar. Den här gången gjorde jag ett undantag. Jag skrattade och jag grät. Precis som när jag läser boken.

  9. @tanja Det är ju skottdagen som är en kvinnas enda chans att fria till sin man istället för tvärtom, vet du väl. ☺️

    Så jag håller alla tummar jag har att det går vägen för Lillemor när hon ”fyller 18”. HEJJA! ?

  10. Det där med att få barnen att somna tidigt, så att man själv får några timmar i soffan – det är fantastiskt.

    Jag brukade vara bra på det. Upp tidigt på morgonen. Ut i lekparken. Spela minecraft helt utan att gnälla på att dottern bygger fel. Fettrika matkoma-middag. Och sedan hopp i säng tillsammans och låtsas att nu är det sovdags för båda två.

    Det brukade fungera jättebra.

    Men numera är det jag som somnar, och dottern som smyger upp och spelar minecraft (där hon bygger FEL!) medan jag sover vidare. The snozer becomes the snozee, osv.

    Det enda positiva är att min dygnsrytm är fantastisk numera, i och med att jag somnar vid 20-snåret på helgerna..

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