Jag tänker fan ringa Martin Timell om det här

Min fem år gamla son spelar ett spel då och då som heter Toca Boca Builders. Det är som ett slags Minecraft, fast utan alla delar av Minecraft som jag inte fattar. (Man kan inte trilla ner i jävla hål i marken och förlora kontrollen över vad fan som är upp och ner och bara stå inuti en jävla gul kloss och haka upp sig tills man måste kasta iPaden i väggen och skrika saker som man normalt bara skriker åt främmande medelålders män i Audi på väg in i rondeller, till exempel.)

Hur som helst. För ett tag sedan satt min son väldigt tyst väldigt länge och byggde något i Toca Boca Builders. Och det ska väl sägas att nästan ingen i min släkt någonsin varit i besittning av någon som helst konstnärsmässig begåvning, och min son har precis som de flesta femåringar (och en del 33-åringar) allvarliga problem med att reda ut hur man passerar trösklar, sätter på sig snörade skor eller dricker smoothie i en soffa utan att man måste ringa efter ambulans, psykolog eller Ghostbusters direkt efteråt. Så mina förväntningar var lågt ställda. Så kan man väl säga.

Och så tittar jag på skärmen och upptäcker att ungen har byggt båtar.

Fucking. BÅTAR.

Svinstora, skalenliga, symmetriska båtar med segel och mast och skit. Spelet går alltså ut på att man styr små figurer som bär runt på olikfärgade klossar hit och dit på en stor matta, och av det byggde han båtar.

Båtar.

Jag visste inte ens att han visste hur båtar såg ut.

Med segel. Mast. Hela skiten.

Fatta.

Så ja, jag blev imponerad, jag ska inte hymla med det. Det är möjligt att jag till och med tappade kontrollen över mitt beröm en aning. Det är möjligt att jag faktiskt sa till min son att han var ett geni. Det är till och med möjligt att jag under ett par veckor efteråt hade mer överseende med honom än vanligt när det gällde regler och konsekvenser, och att jag eventuellt gick så långt så att jag började ge mig tidigare i förhandlingarna om privilegier och ansvar vid läggning och middagar för att han…ja. För att jag trodde att han var ett geni. Jag tänkte att genier är känsliga. Jag ville inte fucka upp…genialiteten. Jag ville vara en sån där förstående pappa som trots mina egna intellektuella begränsningar tidigt såg att mitt barn var speciellt och gav honom alla förutsättningar att odla sina talanger. Det var så det skulle ha låtit i min intervju på Oprah Winfrey. Jag skulle ha blivit en sån förälder som Harry Potter borde ha haft.

Det var min ambition, alltså. Jag vill bara påpeka att jag hade en bra ambition.

Och, jo, ja, alltså. Idag visade det sig via en uppmärksam läsare på Twitter att de där båtarna finns som förinställda mallar i Toca Boca Builder. Min son hade inte byggt dem. Han låtsades bara för att göra mig imponerad, för att på så sätt vinna olika fördelar i vår relation.

Han är alltså inte ett geni.

Han är ett ONDSKEFULLT geni.

5 546 kommentarer

  1. Ingen konstnärsmässig begåvning i släkten? Hörru, du har ju faktiskt skrivit en hel drös (ja så många är det nu så att det kan kallas drös) med böcker och ännu fler ”kåserier” (dina blogginlägg). Jag skulle absolut vilja påstå att ”det skrivna ordet” också är konst.
    (Men det är klart, du skrev ju faktiskt ”nästan ingen i släkten” så du kanske redan hade uteslutit dig själv från skaran av icke konstnärsmässiga?

  2. Jag har ganska nyligen hittat till din blogg på Café, kommer följa dig här och är ledsen över att jag missat dina 7 blogg-år. Du bloggar lika målande och humoristiskt som du skriver dina böcker. Älskade Ove. Grät mig igenom slutet. Hatade att den tog slut. BrittMarie väntar på mig på nattduksbordet.
    Grabben din är ett geni. Tänk att han höll masken. Ha ha ha…
    Ser fram emot fler blogginlägg.
    Tack så länge.

  3. Mina ungar tyckte att jag skulle läsa det här – därför att uppenbarligen är du en mildare version av mig. Är inte riktigt säker på varför de tyckte att jag skulle läsa din – mkt underhållande – blogg. Har du en idé?

  4. Man kan inte ”missa” dom tidigare bloggåren.. man sätter sig och läser igenom ..ALLT.. det fick jag göra för några år sedan (inte 7 år då då) .. Kan säga så här : Det var värt det! 🙂 ”The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time”

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