Samtal i en bil. Sommaren 2015.

Jag: …så det jag menar är bara att jag har testat jävligt många olika variationer. Jag har hållit på med det här sen jag fick körkort, sen jag körde min första egna bil, jag kastar inte bara ur mig sånt här alltså, jag har gjort seriös forskning. Jag kan utan att överdriva säga att jag har 15 års erfarenhet i det här ämnet, och jag fattar att du inte tar det på allvar men det är fan en fråga om trafiksäkerhet. Gör man fel val, får lite fel grepp, slirar lite, tappar fokus på vägen, då smäller det. Det är skitviktigt att man väljer rätt, nu när vi sitter och ska köra kanske 60 mil hela familjen då är det fan ett ANSVAR. Folk är så himla noga med bromsar och antisladdsystem och sånt men jag kan garantera att om folk bara visste lite mer om hur väljer det här rätt så skulle det rädda fler liv än att förbjuda sms:ande bakom ratten! Lyssnar du? Det är viktigt, jag skäms inte för att jag är lite engagerad! Och det man främst är ute efter då är rätt konsistens och temperaturtålighet, okej? Det är inte alla som fattar, men man kan inte bara sätta sig bakom ratten med mjölkchoklad. Det smälter för fan innan man är ute på E4:an. Man kan ha kanske en 200-grammare med sig då, kanske max två. Det funkar inte. Man måste välja en chokladÖVERDRAGEN ingrediens. Man kan aldrig gå full chocolate. Fattar du? Nötter är bra, kex är bra, men det får inte vara solid choklad. Nougat är ju till exempel bara att glömma, det är fan direkt livsfarligt. Men sen är det dessutom skitviktigt att det inte smular. Det är därför jag inte vill ha Kexchoklad, för det blir ju en jäkla sandstorm härinne om man biter fel. Man kan få det i ögonen. Så man vill ha det tunna chokladöverdraget, men man vill ha ett kex inuti som inte är lika poröst som Kexchoklad. Och DÄRFÖR anser jag att Sport-Lunch är den perfekta bilchokladen!

(Tystnad)

Jag: Om inte den finns anser jag att M&M jordnöt är det bästa, även om påse egentligen inte är optimal bilförpackning. Till vardags väljer jag nästan alltid vanliga solida M&M:s med choklad rakt igenom, men i bilen är jordnöt verkligen att föredra. Rätt tuggmotstånd, låg smältfaktor.

(Tystnad)

Jag: Sen har jag ju självklart den nya teknologin hos biltillverkarna förändrat spelfältet här. Air condition var ju en game changer. Men man måste givetvis ändå göra skillnad på årstid och utbudet på mackarna. På somma…

Fru: (Öppnar ögonen, tittar på klockan, tittar på mig) Förlåt, alltså, sitter du fortfarande och pratar om choklad?

Jag: (Inte alls så kränkt som hon kommer få det att låta när hon berättar den här historien i efterhand) Du frågade varför det var så viktigt att du skulle köpa exakt Sport-Lunch på macken och varför du inte bara kunde köpa Kexchoklad iställ…

Fru: (Masserar tinningarna, får jag intrycket av, vilket känns lite onödigt dramatiskt) Snälla älskling, du vet när du går till affären för att köpa glödlampor till belysningen i hallen, och kommer hem igen utan glödlampor för att du glömde kolla innan du gick vilken typ av glödlampor du skulle köpa?

Jag: Ja.

Fru: Var finns den här sortens hängivenhet då?

222 kommentarer

  1. I bilen fungerar bara choklad om man har AC. Annars är det annat godis som gäller. Man kan exempelvis tömma en påse Zoo, Pim Pim eller Fruxo på den lilla ”hyllan” framför hastighetsmätaren. Sedan kan man snaska utan problem medans man kör. Om man undviker att plocka bitarna genom ekrarna i ratten när man svänger i korsningar.Tips från en riktig godisråtta.

    Sedan är det ju milsvid skillnad på choklad och glödlampor….

  3. Skaffa en sån där mobiltelefonhållare som monteras i ventilationsgallret i bilen och som är stor nog att hålla en 200grammare. Full fatt på acn, problem solved.

  5. Christina: Men det blir ju så svårt med själva ätandet, för Maltesers måste verkligen vara ISKALLA och då måste man liksom sticka ner handen i själva kylskåpet varje gång och då måste man ha kylskåpet öppet hela tiden och då kommer ju inte chokladen hålla sig kall.

  6. Hett tips: lägg aldrig en öppen påse M&M med jordnötssmör på passagerarsätet om sätesvärmen är på…

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