Min insats som förälder, sammanfattning från helgen.

(Som jag minns det här.)

Son: Jag vill gå ut!

Dotter: Ut!

Jag: Okej. Sätt på er kläderna då.

(Tystnad)

Son: (Tar av sig alla kläderna, går mot sitt rum.)

Jag: Vart ska du nu?

Son: Leka.

Jag: Men vi ska ju gå.

Son: (Ser genuint chockad ut) Gå vart?

Jag: Ut. Du ville ju gå ut. Du måste ta på dig kläderna om vi ska gå ut.

Son: Varför?

Jag: (Djupt andetag) Varför…vadå…varför vilket? Vilken del undrar du varför? Varför vi ska gå ut eller varför du måste ha kläder på dig?

(Tystnad)

Son: Va?

Jag: Du frågade ”varför”.

Son: Nä.

Jag: Jo det gjorde du!

Son: Näää!

Jag: Vad gör du med kläderna nu då?

Son: Häller vatten på dem.

Jag: Varför det?

Son: Kul.

Jag: Men vad ska du ha på dig när vi ska gå ut då?

Son: (Helt oförstående) Ska vi gå ut?

(Min dotter vandrar iväg och börjar rita på en vägg)

Jag: Nej inte rita på väggen!

Dotter: Rita!

Jag: INTE rita på väggen!

Dotter: (Ritar på väggen)

Jag: Men alltså jag orka…gud vad jag är trött på att ingen av er någonsin lyssnar!

Son: Va?

Jag: Jag sa att jag är trött på att ingen någonsin lyssnar på mig!

Son: Jag lyssnar inte.

Jag: (Andas. Andas. Andas.) Det är ju det jag säger.

Son: (Pekar på sin lillasyster) Lyssnar hon?

Jag: Nej, det är ju det jag säger!

Son: Om hon lyssnar så lyssnar i alla fall inte jag mest.

(Kort paus för eftertanke.)

Jag: Va…eller…va?

Son: (Plötsligt svinförbannad, lägger armarna i kors) Jag lyssnar i alla fall INTE!

Jag: Det är ju det jag säger!

Son: Men jag lyssnar i alla fall inte mest! Och hon minst!

Jag: Men det är ju det jag…vad i helv…jag sa ju precis…

Son: (Pekar ursinnigt på sin lillasyster) Hon får inte lyssna!

Jag: Jag fattar inte vad du tjafs…

Son: Jag lyssnar men inte hon!

(Tystnad)

Jag: Okej, så du…eller hon…eller alltså…

Son: Va?

Fru: (Kommer ut i hallen) Vad bråkar ni om?

Jag: DET VAR ÅTMINSTONE TIO MINUTER SEN JAG VISSTE DET!

 

504 kommentarer

  3. Är jag taskig som skrattar åt det här? Men jag garvar så jag får astmaanfall 😀
    och jag tror en hund kan va en bra idé, men å andra sidan ska man inte vara för säker på att den lyssnar heller. 😉

  8. Det kommer att bli värre. När dottern är 2.5 kommer hon att (i falsett som spräcker fönsterrutor) bidra med:
    – Neeeeej, JAAAAAG lyssnar minst!
    (följt av otröstlig storgråt som om världen gått under)

  11. Tror att ett Obi-Wan-citat passar in här…risken är väl att du kan känna dig en smula kränkt 😉

  12. Jag hörde en del liknande diskussioner i väntrummen igår. Tror inte jag är lämplig för föräldraskap och det är inte bara för att jag också heter Fredrik, bor i Helsingborg och har en förkärlek för amerikansk fotboll..

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