Mina barns humor. I sammanfattning.

Jag: (Till son) Okej, kan du klä på dig nu då, för ikväll ska vi gå hem till…

Son: (Kastar upp handflatorna i mitt ansikte) Näääj! Säg inget! Jag vill gissa!

(Plats för viss eftertanke och mycket tålamod)

Jag: Oookej. Vet du vilka vi ska gå hem till idag?

Son: (Spärrar upp ögonen) Ska vi köpa NINJAGOLEGO?

Jag: Va? Vad…nej…jag sa: Vet du vilka vi ska gå h-e-m till idag?

Son: (Slår händerna för munnen) Till farfar och FARMOR!?

Jag: Nej, herregud, farmor och farfar är i Skåne. Jag menar…

Son: (Börjar dra mig i byxbenet) Ska vi till Legoland?

Jag: Men alltså jag orkar int…

Son: Ska vi till RYMDEN?

Jag: (Börjar massera tinningarna) Okej, jag ger upp. Vi ska hem till (namn på min sons kompisar). 

(Tystnad)

Jag: Och de har köpt en k…

Son: Näääj! Jag vill gissa!!!

(Paus för att räkna långsamt till tio. Flera gånger.)

Jag: (Tar ett djupt andetag, arbetar upp ny entusiasm) Okej. Vi ska hem till dem och vet du vad de har s-k-a-f-f-a-t?

Son: (Vrålar) NINJAGOLEGO!?

Jag: Nej…alltså, det är inte…de har skaffat ett djur. Ett husdjur.

Son: Har de skaffat en hund? Ninjagolego och en hund?

Jag: Nej, inget himla ninj…de har skaffat ett djur. Och det är mindre än en hund.

Son: En varg!?

(Tystnad)

Jag: (Börjar här förlora kontrollen över maktbalansen mellan den hyfsade föräldern inom mig och den riktiga dåliga föräldern inom mig) Men herreg…man…de skaffar väl inte en VARG som husdjur, skärp dig nu, det är e…

Son: Är det en KUSIN?

(Lång tystnad)

Jag: Du hörde att jag sa att det var ett djur, va?

Son: (Nickar ivrigt)

Jag: Så vad tror du att det är för djur. Det är inte en hund och inte en katt, och den har stora öron och…

Son: (Slår anklagande ut med armarna) Ja! Varg!

Jag: Nej men lyssna nu, den har stora öron och den hoppar så här! (Jag hoppar som en kanin)

Son: ÅhåhÅH! Har de köpt en trampoliiin!?

Jag: (Den dåliga föräldern inom mig) Är det ett DJUR!? Är en trampolin ett DJUR eller!?

Son: Har de skaffat en LEVANDE trampolin!!???

(Lång, lång, lång tystnad)

Jag: Okej. Nu försöker vi igen: De har skaffat ett djur. Ett litet djur. Samma slags djur som Lille Skutt är. Den har stora öron och stora tänder. Och den heter något som börjar på ”KA” och slutar på ”NIN”: Och den hoppar så här. (Hoppar som en kanin. Ganska länge. Runt hela vardagsrummet.)

Fru: (Stiger in i vardagsrummet) Vi ska gå nu, är ni klara?

Son: (Nickar upprymt) Pappa berättar om kaninen.

(Paus för att jag ska sluta hoppa och hämta andan. Uppskattningsvis en process som tar runt fem minuter.)

Jag: (Möjligen en smula andfådd på både den hyfsade och den dåliga föräldern) Ja. Ja! Jaaa! Kanin! De har skaffat en k-a-n-i-n!

(Lång, lite obekväm tystnad.)

Fru: (Tittar på son) Men det pratade ju du och jag om för tio minuter sen.

Son: (Nickar) Men det är roligare när pappa förklarar.

Jag: (Möjligen både andfådd och arg) Så det var…alltså, din lilla…det här är fan sista gånge…varför håller du på så här jämt?

Fru: (Klappar mig på kinden) Men snälla älskling, gick du på det där igen? Om du bara slutar vara så lättlurad så kanske du inte behöver gå igenom det här varje gång vi ska gå ut.

Den väldigt, väldigt, väldigt dåliga föräldern inom mig: (Pekar på son) HAN TROR ATT EN KUSIN ÄR ETT DJUR!

5 420 kommentarer

  1. ??? Alltså… jag orkar inte…

    Jag brukar alltid säga att jag har tre barn, två små och ett stort (pappan). Jag misstänker att din fru känner ungefär likadant.

  2. Det här gjorde min dag Fredrik! Skrattade så min ammande son hoppade. Vilken rolig o busig son du har!

  3. Tack. Den här jävla skitdagen behövde en Fredrik som blev lurad av sin son. Syftet med din upplevelse var att rädda livet på folk som inte hittade ett enda leende i sin att-göra-lista för dagen. Nu orkar jag hålla ut till imorgon med orden ”HAN TROR ATT KUSIN ÄR ETT DJUR!” som uppiggande mantra. Tack.

  4. Har bara två ord: Modern Family!…Har du inte sett så MÅSTE du!!! 🙂 (Netflix så slipper du leta)

  5. Maarit: Det är sant ? Så säger alltid min mamma också… till mig om mina barn alltså. Måste ligga nått i det ?

  6. Stort tack för dagens skönaste, bästa skrattfest! Jag läste för min 5årige son, han skrattade så han tappade andan 🙂 Sen bad han mig läsa igen, sååå härligt att dela humor 🙂
    Sen vill jag tacka för ”Ove” och ”Britt-Marie” (”mormor” gillade jag inte lika mycket, förlåt)!
    Ha, det var bara det jag ville säga.

  7. Åh jag skrattar så jag gråter, hur underbart är inte detta?! Har ganska nyss hittat hit och tycker du skriver så himla bra och träffsäkert så jag kommer nog aldrig sluta läsa! Visade min man som skrattade lika mycket och tack för en stämningshöjare i en vardag 🙂

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