Min sociala förmåga i lekparker. En följetong i förhoppningsvis begränsat antal delar.

Annan förälder som jag precis har träffat: (Säger något skämtsamt om hur jobbigt det kan vara att få sina barn att faktiskt acceptera att det är dags att gå hem från lekparken)

Jag: (Kunde bara ha nickat och sagt ”Men exakt!”. Men känner tydligen att det är bättre om jag erbjuder lite egna tankar också.) Men exakt! Det JAG brukar göra är att jag bara brukar låtsas att jag är ett hemligt Navy Seal-team som ska frita gisslan från terrorister!

(Tystnad.)

Jag: (Blir lite nervös av tystnaden, och tänker därför tydligen att det bästa jag kan göra är att fortsätta prata) Så jag stannar bilen precis utanför, och kutar in i parken va, och inne i mitt huvud så hör jag bara mig själv skrika i en walkie-talkie ”Bravo-Bravo-Zebra, ’Operation Taking The Hobbits To Isengard’ is complete!”, och sen bara ”katten är i påsen! Jag upprepar: Katten är i påsen!”. Och sen bara rusar jag in i parken, sveper med mig två ungar och låtsas att jag skjuter alla terrorister och sen bara vänder jag mig och LUBBAR mot bilen!

(Tystnad.)

Jag: Det är mina egna barn alltså.

Annan förälder: (Ler. Fast mer som man gör om man försöker öppna locket på en burk som sitter väldigt hårt än som man kanske gör om man har hört något roligt.)

Jag: Jag tar mina egna barn, menar jag alltså. Och de är ju oftast med på det. Det är som…en lek. Jag skulle ju inte kuta in och ta DINA barn liksom.

(Tystnad.)

Jag: Och jag låtsas ju bara att jag skjuter terrorister inne i mitt huvud. Som i…en film, alltså. Jag menar inte att jag låtsas skjuta…andra barn.

Annan förälder: (Tittar över parken som man gör om man letar efter till exempel sina barn. Eller till exempel en polis.)

Jag: Eller…du vet. Jag är inte sån. Det var ett skämt. Eller man ska inte skämta om sånt. Det var inte så jag menade. Jag menade att…det inte var det. Eller…

(Tystnad)

Jag: (Tänker tydligen att det är bättre att berätta en anekdot nu.) Men det är ju jobbigt, menar jag, det där som DU sa. När ens barn inte vill gå hem från lekparken. En gång sprang mina barn och gömde sig och sen skulle en annan förälder hjälpa mig att leta, och hon frågade hur mina barn var klädda, och jag kom inte exakt ihåg för jag har svindåligt färgminne, så jag chansade på kläder de brukar ha på sig, och det slutade med att hon fångade någon annans barn. Och den ungens förälder blev…

Annan förälder: (Harklar sig. Ser ut att vara väldigt, väldigt intresserad av sina skor.)

Jag: Eller färgminne och färgminne. Jag vet inte vad det heter. Men jag glömmer vad mina barn har…du vet.

(Tystnad)

Jag: (Det är ungefär här jag tänker att jag ska dra ett annat, mycket bättre, exempel. För att förklara att det första exemplet bara var ett dåligt exempel.) Alltså, det här var ju…men du, vet du en annan grej? När vi precis hade fått vårt första barn så hade min bästa kompis och jag en idé om att vi skulle hämta honom på förskolan som om det var ett avsnitt av A-Team. Så jag skulle smyga runt utanför parken och röka cigarr och låtsas spana, och sen när det var dags så liksom skulle jag hoppa över ett staket och rusa in och skopa upp min son i famnen, och så skulle min kompis och två andra kompisar stanna en stor svart skåpbil utanför grinden och så skulle jag springa dit med min son under armen…och…en av mina kompisar skulle ha såna här feta halsband och en skulle låtsas vara lite…eller…ja. Du vet. Som Murdock. I A-Team.

(Tystnad)

Annan förälder: (Nickar och ler igen. Fast mer som man kanske gör om man har bitit i en bit Lego i mörkret när man trodde att det var en bit blockchoklad.) Jag fattar. Jag fattar. Kul. Kul killar.

(Tystnad)

Annan förälder: (Ser inte ut att ha jättekul.)

Jag: (Kliar mig på halsen, men det ser eventuellt mer ut som att jag klöser mig själv på strupen, och nu så här i efterhand var väl inte det ett helt optimalt kroppsspråk) Jomen såatte…för att göra en lång historia kort så kom vi på att det där med skåpbilen utanför en förskola inte var en jättebra idé. Att det skulle se konstigt ut, menar jag. Plus att jag inte kände förskolepersonalen jättebra. Plus att det kanske är olämpligt det där med cigarr…på…

(Tystnad)

Jag: Men i alla fall: Var det dig min fru pratade med förut om det där med att era barn kanske skulle komma hem till våra barn nu i veckan och leka?

Annan förälder som jag precis har träffat: (Har ingen klocka på sig. Tittar på den ändå.) Vi ska…nog…

Jag: (Harklar mig) Jag går och hämtar min fru. Ibland kan hon förklara mig ur sånt här.

(Tystnad)

Jag: (Tittar över parken. Tittar på annan förälder. Kliar mig på halsen.) Har du sett henne? Hon är mörkhårig. Hon har…jag tror att hon har en sorts jacka på sig.

2 066 kommentarer

  2. Jag Ler. Fast inte som man gör om man försöker öppna locket på en burk som sitter väldigt hårt ?

  7. Hahahaha så jävla bra! Hade garvat om jag var där! Känner igen mig och min sambo får förklara vad jag menar ibland för andra

  8. Vilken tur att du pratar skånska så den andra föräldern inte förstod ett ord av vad du just sa…

  10. Skrattar och känner igen mig själv. Jag kan trassla in mig något fruktansvärt och inte håller jag käften då inte. Nej nej nej. Försöker bortförklara eller ”bjuda” på en annan anekdot istället precis som du. Men du, den där föräldern var ju tråkig. Vissa har ingen humor eller fantasi och det är ju inte vårt fel eller hur? ?

  12. Ha ha….så grymt roligt. När min man berättade om vad en mamma till ett barn i min sons klass hade sagt och inte visste vad hon hette och jag bad honom beskriva hur hon såg ut så fick jag svaret: ”hon såg ut som en mamma”! Jaha…..då så…..

  13. Men ja skrattade så ja grät. Det är ju fullt logiskt helt perfekta referenser. För en unge uppvuxen i början av 80 talet. Det tragiska är att de inte lika nördiga föräldrarna inte får lika roligt när man leker. 🙂 mer backman referenser åt folket.!! Testa dino riders

  14. men! hur stela föräldrar finns det egentligen? Får de någonsin sina egna barn att skratta åt något…?

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    Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres, or the Official Swiss Chronometer Testing Agency, is the authorized Swiss testing agency that attests to the precision and accuracy of timepieces. COSC certification is a mark of excellent craftsmanship and trustworthiness in timekeeping. Not all watch brands pursue COSC certification, such as Hublot, which instead sticks to its proprietary strict standards with movements like the UNICO, attaining equivalent precision.

    The Art of Precision Chronometry
    The core system of a mechanical timepiece involves the mainspring, which provides power as it loosens. This mechanism, however, can be susceptible to external factors that may influence its precision. COSC-accredited movements undergo rigorous testing—over 15 days in various conditions (5 positions, 3 temperatures)—to ensure their durability and dependability. The tests assess:

    Mean daily rate precision between -4 and +6 secs.
    Mean variation, peak variation levels, and effects of temperature changes.
    Why COSC Accreditation Is Important
    For timepiece fans and connoisseurs, a COSC-certified watch isn’t just a item of tech but a proof to enduring quality and precision. It signifies a watch that:

    Provides excellent reliability and accuracy.
    Provides confidence of quality across the entire design of the timepiece.
    Is probable to maintain its value better, making it a wise choice.
    Well-known Timepiece Manufacturers
    Several famous brands prioritize COSC accreditation for their timepieces, including Rolex, Omega, Breitling, and Longines, among others. Longines, for instance, presents collections like the Archive and Soul, which highlight COSC-validated mechanisms equipped with cutting-edge substances like silicon equilibrium springs to enhance resilience and efficiency.

    Historical Context and the Development of Timepieces
    The idea of the timepiece originates back to the requirement for exact chronometry for navigational at sea, highlighted by John Harrison’s work in the 18th cent. Since the formal foundation of Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres in 1973, the validation has become a benchmark for judging the precision of luxury timepieces, continuing a legacy of superiority in horology.

    Conclusion
    Owning a COSC-certified watch is more than an aesthetic selection; it’s a commitment to quality and accuracy. For those valuing accuracy above all, the COSC accreditation provides peacefulness of thoughts, guaranteeing that each validated watch will perform dependably under various circumstances. Whether for personal satisfaction or as an investment, COSC-validated timepieces distinguish themselves in the world of horology, carrying on a tradition of careful chronometry.

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  2061. chronometer watches
    Understanding COSC Accreditation and Its Importance in Watchmaking
    COSC Accreditation and its Rigorous Standards
    Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres, or the Official Swiss Chronometer Testing Agency, is the authorized Switzerland testing agency that attests to the precision and accuracy of timepieces. COSC certification is a mark of superior craftsmanship and dependability in chronometry. Not all timepiece brands follow COSC certification, such as Hublot, which instead adheres to its proprietary stringent standards with movements like the UNICO, attaining comparable precision.

    The Art of Precision Timekeeping
    The core system of a mechanical timepiece involves the mainspring, which supplies power as it unwinds. This mechanism, however, can be prone to environmental elements that may influence its accuracy. COSC-certified movements undergo rigorous testing—over fifteen days in various conditions (5 positions, three temperatures)—to ensure their resilience and dependability. The tests measure:

    Average daily rate precision between -4 and +6 secs.
    Mean variation, maximum variation levels, and impacts of thermal changes.
    Why COSC Validation Is Important
    For timepiece fans and connoisseurs, a COSC-accredited watch isn’t just a item of technology but a testament to enduring quality and precision. It represents a timepiece that:

    Presents excellent reliability and precision.
    Provides confidence of quality across the whole design of the watch.
    Is likely to maintain its worth more efficiently, making it a sound investment.
    Famous Chronometer Manufacturers
    Several renowned manufacturers prioritize COSC validation for their timepieces, including Rolex, Omega, Breitling, and Longines, among others. Longines, for instance, offers collections like the Record and Spirit, which highlight COSC-validated mechanisms equipped with cutting-edge substances like silicone equilibrium suspensions to enhance resilience and performance.

    Historical Context and the Evolution of Timepieces
    The notion of the timepiece dates back to the requirement for precise chronometry for navigational at sea, highlighted by John Harrison’s work in the eighteenth century. Since the formal establishment of Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres in 1973, the validation has become a benchmark for assessing the precision of high-end watches, continuing a legacy of superiority in watchmaking.

    Conclusion
    Owning a COSC-certified watch is more than an aesthetic choice; it’s a commitment to quality and accuracy. For those valuing accuracy above all, the COSC validation offers peacefulness of thoughts, ensuring that each accredited watch will perform dependably under various conditions. Whether for individual satisfaction or as an investment decision, COSC-validated watches distinguish themselves in the world of watchmaking, carrying on a tradition of precise chronometry.

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  2063. Understanding COSC Accreditation and Its Importance in Horology
    COSC Validation and its Demanding Criteria
    COSC, or the Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres, is the authorized Swiss testing agency that verifies the accuracy and accuracy of timepieces. COSC certification is a mark of excellent craftsmanship and dependability in timekeeping. Not all timepiece brands seek COSC accreditation, such as Hublot, which instead follows to its own demanding standards with movements like the UNICO calibre, reaching similar accuracy.

    The Art of Precision Chronometry
    The core mechanism of a mechanical timepiece involves the mainspring, which supplies power as it unwinds. This mechanism, however, can be susceptible to external factors that may impact its accuracy. COSC-certified movements undergo strict testing—over fifteen days in various circumstances (five positions, three temperatures)—to ensure their durability and reliability. The tests assess:

    Average daily rate precision between -4 and +6 secs.
    Mean variation, highest variation rates, and impacts of thermal variations.
    Why COSC Certification Matters
    For timepiece fans and collectors, a COSC-validated timepiece isn’t just a piece of technology but a demonstration to enduring quality and precision. It represents a timepiece that:

    Offers exceptional reliability and accuracy.
    Provides confidence of superiority across the complete construction of the timepiece.
    Is probable to hold its value better, making it a sound choice.
    Popular Chronometer Manufacturers
    Several well-known manufacturers prioritize COSC validation for their watches, including Rolex, Omega, Breitling, and Longines, among others. Longines, for instance, provides collections like the Archive and Soul, which feature COSC-validated mechanisms equipped with cutting-edge substances like silicone equilibrium springs to enhance durability and performance.

    Historical Context and the Evolution of Chronometers
    The notion of the chronometer dates back to the need for accurate chronometry for navigation at sea, emphasized by John Harrison’s work in the eighteenth century. Since the formal establishment of Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres in 1973, the accreditation has become a benchmark for evaluating the precision of luxury watches, sustaining a legacy of excellence in watchmaking.

    Conclusion
    Owning a COSC-certified watch is more than an aesthetic choice; it’s a commitment to excellence and accuracy. For those valuing accuracy above all, the COSC certification offers tranquility of mind, ensuring that each accredited watch will function dependably under various conditions. Whether for individual satisfaction or as an investment, COSC-validated watches distinguish themselves in the world of watchmaking, maintaining on a tradition of careful chronometry.

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