Sebastian och trollet

Det här är en kort historia som jag skrev under december 2017. Den handlar om att ha ont. Texten ligger här tills vidare, eftersom jag inte riktigt vet vad jag ska göra med den än. Om någon läser den och tycker om något med den får ni gärna skänka vad ni tycker att det är värt till valfri välgörenhet. BRIS har till exempel Swish 9015041, och Suicide Zero har 9003989.

 

 

 

SEBASTIAN OCH TROLLET
En liten berättelse om hur det känns

Sebastian bor i en bubbla av glas. Det är ett problem, förstås, det är alla på utsidan överens om. Glasbubblor är mycket opraktiska till exempel i klassrum och på födelsedagskalas. Till en början tyckte alla att glaset var problemet, men när han bott därinne tillräckligt länge beslutades det istället att det var Sebastian som var problemet. De på utsidan säger att man inte kan få ögonkontakt med honom, att han tycks ”frånvarande”, som om där han var vore mindre värt än där de är.
”Vill du inte gå ut i friska luften och sparka boll? Vore inte det kul?” undrade de när han var liten och deras röster ännu hördes ända in. Han kunde inte förklara då att han inte tyckte att det verkade kul att ha kul. Att han inte blev glad av att bli glad. Han kan inte minnas när någon av dem senast sa något skojigt och han skrattade. Kanske har han aldrig gjort det, och i så fall har de väl rätt, de som skakat på sina huvuden så länge han kan minnas och sagt ”det är något fel på honom” till Sebastians föräldrar.
Han satt nära glaset då, läste orden på deras läppar. De hade rätt. Det är meningen att en människa ska tycka att det är kul att ha kul, annars är det något som är trasigt som inte ska vara trasigt. Något som inte är trasigt inuti barn som inte är konstiga. I flera år kom och gick det olika vuxna utanför bubblan, några knackade försiktigt på glaset, några bankade argt när han inte svarade. Några frågade honom hur han ”kände sig”. Han ville svara att det känns som att ingenting känns, men ändå gör det ont. Några sa att Sebastian ”lider av depression”, men de sa det som om de mest var de som led. Sebastian själv sa ingenting, och nu hör han ingen alls där utifrån längre. Han vet inte om det beror på att de gav upp eller på att glaset bara blivit tjockare.
När bubblan ännu hade små öppningar högst upp släppte de ner små piller, de sa att pillerna skulle göra glaset tunnare men han tror att de kanske har missförstått. Han är inte säker på att de vet så mycket om glas som de påstår. Pillerna fastnade och blockerade de sista öppningarna. Nu är det bara Sebastian härinne.

Han kan inte sova på nätterna. Ibland kan inte hans föräldrar det heller. Han ser deras tårar rinna sakta nerför glaset på utsidan då, de låter som regn mot bubblans tak. Sebastian vet att hans föräldrar önskar att något hemskt hade hänt honom. För då skulle det finnas en anledning för honom att ha ont. Då skulle han gå att begripa, kanske till och med laga. Men Sebastians mörker är inte bara en lampknapp som någon har glömt att trycka på, inte bara ett piller som han inte vill äta. Hans mörker är en tyngd och en trötthet som drar skelettet i bröstkorgen inåt och neråt tills han inte kan andas. Och nu har bubblan blivit större, eller så har Sebastian blivit mindre. Kanske gör ångesten det med oss, krymper oss. Han somnar ibland på eftermiddagarna, av utmattning, inte av trötthet. Sover med grunda andetag och djupa mardrömmar, bara några minuter åt gången. Tills han en kväll vaknar med päls i ögonen.

Det sitter ett troll i hans bubbla.

Sebastian vet att det är ett troll eftersom han frågar trollet:
”Vad är du?”
Och trollet svarar:
”Ett troll.”
Då vet man. Men Sebastian frågar lik förbaskat:
”Vadå troll?”
Trollet är upptaget, det skriver mycket koncentrerat någonting på små vita lappar med en fin blå penna. Fler och fler och fler vita lappar, som läggs i olika stora högar överallt, tills trollet slutligen tittar upp på Sebastian och svarar:
”Vanliga sortens troll”, säger det, eftersom det är det. Inget speciellt för att vara troll. Men speciellt att det är ett troll, förstås, det är trots allt inte så ofta man ser troll i vare sig bubblor eller någon annanstans.
”Vad skriver du på lapparna?” frågar Sebastian.
”Ditt namn”, svarar trollet.
”Varför det?”
”För att du inte ska glömma bort att du är någon.”
Sebastian vet inte vad han ska svara på det. Så han säger:
”Fin penna.”
”Det är den vackraste penna jag vet, jag har den alltid med mig för jag vill att de ska veta att jag älskar dem”, säger trollet.
”Vilka då?”
”Bokstäverna.”
Sebastians fingertoppar rör vid bubblans glas.
”Hur kom du in hit?” undrar han.
”Jag kom inte in, jag kom ut”, svarar trollet och sträcker sömnigt på sig.
”Från vad?”
”Från dig. Genom en av sprickorna.”
”Har jag spruckit?”
Trollet himlar med ögonen, vevar missnöjt med tassen mot bubblans väggar, sparkar irriterat på en tröskel. Sebastian visste inte ens att det fanns trösklar härinne.
”Det här bygget håller inte längre, förstår du, Sebastian. Glaset har blivit för tjockt, och allt som finns härinne gör för ont. Till sist finns ingen luft kvar och då måste något spricka. Antingen bubblan eller du.”
Sebastians fingrar trevar över magen. Halsen. Ansiktet. Små, små sprickor, överallt. De gör inte ont. Sebastian tänker att han kanske har glömt hur man gör, hur man har ont på platser där alla andra har ont, på alla normala sätt. Bränna-sig-på-kastrullen-sätt. Slå-stortån-i-byrån-sätt. Nu har han bara ont på konstiga sätt. Sätt-som-inte-lämnar-ärr-sätt. Sätt-som-inte-syns-på-röntgenbilder-sätt.
”Hur fick du plats inuti mig?” frågar han trollet.
”Åh, det var inte svårt alls. Jag har sovit i ditt hjärta i hundratusen år. Troll blir väldigt små när vi sover. Som ballonger, ballonger blir också små när de sover.”
”Och när de går sönder”, påpekar Sebastian.
Trollet nickar betänksamt som om detta är mycket, mycket sant. Undrar sedan:
”Finns det frukost?”
Sebastian skakar på huvudet. Han äter inte så mycket längre, alla oroar sig över det, som om det var maten som var problemet och inte problemet som var problemet. Det är lättare att oroa sig över mat, förstås, man får förstå att de på utsidan håller sig till den sortens oro som de behärskar. Trollet ser mycket besviket ut.
”Man hinner bli rätt hungrig på hundratusen år. Frukost hade varit trevligt.”
”Jag är ledsen”, säger Sebastian.
Trollet nickar med hans sorg i sina ögon.
”Jag vet, Sebastian. Jag vet hur ledsen du är.”
Sebastian sträcker ut handen. Trollet är mjukt, pälsen tjock.
”Du är inte från min fantasi. Min fantasi är inte så här bra.”
Trollet bugar sig djupt.
”Tack.”
”Vad vill du mig?” frågar Sebastian.
”Vad vill du dig själv?” frågar trollet.
”Jag vill att det ska sluta göra ont”, viskar Sebastian.
”Vilket då?” frågar trollet.
”Det borde du veta, om du varit inuti mig. Allting. Jag vill att allting ska sluta göra ont”, ber Sebastian.
Trollet ljuger inte för honom då. Sebastian tycker mycket om trollet för det.
”Jag kan inte lära dig hur det slutar göra ont, Sebastian.”
”Vad kan du lära mig då?” andas Sebastian tillbaka.
”Hur man slåss.”
”Mot vad?”
”Mot alla som kommer inatt.”
”Vilka?”
”Dina mardrömmar. Dina svagheter. Dina otillräckligheter. Dina monster.”

Och på natten kommer de. Allihop.

Sebastian ser dem vid bubblans horisont. De väntar bara ett ögonblick, för att han ska hinna bli skräckslagen. De älskar när han blir det. Och sedan kommer de. Alla som gör ont, all namnlös skräck, allt Sebastian någonsin varit rädd för. Alla monster under alla sängar och alla varelser från alla de mörkaste rummen i hans huvud. De rider rakt emot pojken och trollet nu: All ångest som får plats i ett barn. Barn har alltid så mycket mer plats inom sig än vuxna orkar minnas.
Sebastian vänder sig för att springa, men han står vid ett stup, hundratusen meter högt. Marken skakar, om några sekunder är de här, alla hans innersta demoner. Han känner deras skuggor och hur kallt det blir i dem, han fryser på insidan som man gör då bitar av hud hamnat utanför ett täcke tidigt en morgon i november, precis efter att vintern brottat sig in i hösten och just innan elementen hunnit justeras därefter. Sebastian snurrar runt vid klippkanten med handflatorna öppna, som om han söker värme, och plötsligt känner han den faktiskt. Den kommer nerifrån. Om han hoppar nu kommer han landa i en säng, mjuk och trygg och full av filtar i precis lagom dimension för att dra över en medelstor pojkes huvud. Han ser det härifrån. Demonerna väser och fräser så nära stupet att trollet måste skrika för att Sebastian ska höra:
”De vill att du gör det!”
”Gör vad?” vrålar Sebastian, lutad över kanten.
Han undrar så innerligt om det verkligen kan vara värre där nere än här uppe.
”De vill att du ska hoppa, Sebastian!” skriker trollet.

Och Sebastian hoppar nästan. För han vet hur skönt det hade varit på vägen ner, och sedan kanske det inte gör ont längre? Där nere i slutet av fallet kanske det kommer kännas som att det aldrig har gjort ont alls?
Men trollet håller i Sebastians hand. Dess tass är också mjuk. Det kan inte vara fantasi för så bra fantasi har inte Sebastian, han vet ju i stort sett ingenting alls om tassar, tänker han. Så han står kvar. Och allt som gör ont rusar rakt igenom honom, ner i avgrunden, skrattande och ylande.
”De kan inte göra dig illa, inte egentligen, så de måste få dig att göra illa dig själv”, viskar trollet.

Sebastian står andfådd vid kanten.
”Är du säker på det?” undrar han.
”Är du säker på att det inte finns frukost?” undrar trollet.
”Vad menar du?”
”Jag menar att ibland är man säker på något, men det betyder inte att man inte kan ha fel. Man kan till exempel se en ballong och vara säker på att någon tappat den, men i själva verket kanske den har rymt.”
Sebastian får ont strax bakom ögonen.
”Menar du att du…är säker eller inte säker?”
Trollet kliar sig på olika platser i pälsen.
”Jag menar bara att frukost hade varit trevligt.”
Sebastian ber om ursäkt, trollet nickar besviket. Allt blir tyst. Sedan rör sig Sebastians fötter, utan hans inblandning. Bubblan börjar gunga, först nästan inte alls men nästan genast helt och hållet. Sebastian blundar och sätter handflatorna på sina knän, för något annat än honom själv finns inte att hålla i här inne. Han vill kräkas, men trollet lägger sin tass på hans nacke, och en lång stund känns det som om Sebastian lyfter och svävar då. ”Akta”, viskar trollet, men Sebastian reagerar inte förrän trollet skriker ”AKTA!”. Sedan får Sebastian plötsligt vatten i näsan. Sedan i ögonen. Han fäktar vilt med armarna, känner kläderna bli blöta och skorna fyllas av vassa klor, något drar honom neråt i djupet som om han drunknar. HAN DRUNKNAR!
”Knuffade du…din jävla idiot…knuffade du ner mig…mig i havet?” skriker han panikslaget till trollet, knappt med näsan ovanför vattenytan nu.
”Nej, det här är inte ett…hav, det är ett…regn”, flämtar trollet.
De kippar båda efter luft. Himlen försvinner bortom väldiga vågor som slår och jagar dem med flit, gör dem illa bara för att de kan. Trollets päls blir mörk och tung och sugs ner i djupet, Sebastian sträcker ut sin hand och får tag i dess tass, en storm utan slut piskar in över dem.
”Var kom regnet ifrån?” hojtar Sebastian i trollets öra, eller åtminstone där han tror att troll har öron.
”Det är tårar!”, skriker trollet tillbaka, där trollet tror att Sebastian har öron.
”Vems?”
”Dina! Alla du hållit inom dig! Jag sa ju det, jag SA ju det!!!”
”VAD!?”
”ATT ANTINGEN KOMMER BUBBLAN GÅ SÖNDER! ELLER DU!”

Sebastian försvinner under ytan, bara några ögonblick eller möjligen ett helt liv, innan han kämpar sig upp igen. En flock väldiga grå fåglar svävar över dem. Då och då dyker de ner mot vattnet och nafsar efter Sebastians tröjkrage. Han skyddar sig med armen, deras vassa näbbar skär långa, djupa blödande sår i honom.
”Försöker de…ta mig?” vrålar Sebastian med regnet och vinden dunkande och dånande över kinderna.
”Nej, de försöker…skrämma dig!”, vrålar trollet tillbaka medan en av fåglarna lyfter igen med näbben full av päls.
”Varför?”
”För att de vill att du ska sluta simma.”

Sebastian griper trollets päls hårt, blundar hårdare, han vet inte vem som håller vem flytande till sist. De slungas genom vattenmassor, ner i mörker, in i en vägg. De landar i en fruktansvärd tystnad, omöjlig att våga lita på. Men till sist öppnar Sebastian ögonen igen och inser att de båda två ligger hostande och frustande i sanden på en strand. Solen torkar sakta päls och hud.
”Var är vi?” undrar Sebastian.
”På botten” viskar trollet.
”Botten av vad?”
”Dig.”

Sebastian sätter sig upp. Han har sand innanför kläderna, på alla platser där man inte vill ha sand och faktiskt några platser där Sebastian kan tänka sig att sanden vill vara på lika lite som Sebastian vill att den ska vara där. Den är varm när han lyfter den i sina handflator, rinner runt mellan hans fingrar tills den hittar en väg mellan dem. Sebastian ser på sina knogar, fulla av sprickor som inte gör ont, och det regnar inte längre. Kanske regnar det inte på botten, kanske vilar solen alltid på dig här, aldrig för mycket eller för lite. Runt hela stranden finns höga, släta klippor, omöjliga att klättra uppför. Det här är ett paradis, längst ner i ett hål. Längs en av väggarna hänger ett rep, precis bredvid dess ände brinner en lägereld. Sebastian öppnar försiktigt handflatorna mot de små studsande lågorna för att känna värmen. Vinden kittlar hans öra.
”Gör det”, ropar vinden. ”Gör det!”
Sebastian kliar sig i örat, tittar förvånat på trollet. Trollet pekar ledsamt på elden.
”Alla väntar på att du ska göra det, Sebastian.”
”Vad?”
”Bestämma dig för att det är lättare att stanna här nere. Och elda upp repet.”
Sebastian blinkar som om ögonfransarna fastnar i hjärtat och måste slitas loss från det varje gång ögonen ska öppnas.
”Jag kan inte leva på utsidan av bubblan”, får han fram till sist.
”Du kan inte leva härinne heller”, svarar trollet.
Orden skallrar när svaret faller från Sebastians läppar, gråten drar honom ner på knä:
”Jag vill inte att det ska göra ont längre. Har alla andra så här ont?”
”Jag vet inte”, erkänner trollet.
”Varför har jag ont när inget hänt? Jag skrattar aldrig! Alla normala skrattar!”
Trollets tassar masserar pälsen där trollet förmodligen har tinningar.
”Det kanske är ditt skratt som är trasigt. Inte du. Någon kanske hade sönder det. En gång hade någon sönder min favoritfrukosttallrik. Jag är fortfarande lite upprörd över det, ska du veta.”
”Hur lagar man skratt?” viskar Sebastian.
”Vet inte”, medger trollet.
”Tänk om det är mig det är fel på ändå?”
Trollet ser ut att ta detta under djupt övervägande.
”Kanske är fel på felet?”
”Va?”
”Ballongen kanske inte ens är en ballong. Du behöver kanske inte vara glad. Du behöver bara vara.”
”Vara vad?”
Trollet skriver något i sanden. Långsamt och omsorgsfullt, med sina vackraste bokstäver. Sedan lovar det:
”Bara det.”
Trollet torkar pojkens ögon. Pojken frågar:
”Vad ska vi göra nu?”
”Sova”, föreslår trollet.
”Varför?” undrar pojken.
”För att ibland när man vaknar så finns det frukost.”

Trollet lägger sin tass under Sebastians kind. Sebastian kryper ihop i den och somnar. Av trötthet, inte av utmattning. Trollet sover runt honom, pojkens tårar gungar sakta som kristaller i pälsen. När de vaknar har lägerelden brunnit ut. Sebastian blinkar mot himlen.
”Vad tänker du på?” frågar trollet.
”Jag tänker på att ballongen kanske varken tappades eller rymde. Det kanske var någon som släppte den”, viskar pojken.
”Varför skulle någon släppa en ballong?” undrar trollet.
”För att någon ville att den skulle vara lycklig.”
Trollet nickar tacksamt, som om denna nya tanke är en liten present. Sebastian sträcker sig försiktigt framåt och rör vid repet.
”Vad finns däruppe?” frågar han och pekar mot toppen av klipporna, där repet sitter fast.
”Ett liv. Hundratusen år av allt det bästa och allt det värsta”, viskar trollet.
”Och mittemellan det?”
Trollet ler, nästan lyckligt.
”Åh, ja! DET, ja! Allt det mittemellan. Det får du välja själv. Det bästa och det värsta i livet bara händer oss, men det mittemellan…det är det som får oss att fortsätta.”
Sebastians andetag studsar runt i hans hals.
”Följer du med mig?”
”Ja. Vi följer med dig, allihop.”
Sebastians ansikte skrynklas ihop som förvånad tvätt.
”Vilka ’vi’?”
”Vi”, upprepar trollet.
När Sebastian blickar över stranden ser han hundratusen troll.
”Vilka är det där?”
Trollet kramar Sebastian tills Sebastian bara kramar luften. De andra trollen går mot honom och försvinner, ett efter ett, allihop in i samma spricka. Men de ropar inifrån:
”Vi är rösterna i ditt huvud som säger åt dig att inte göra det, Sebastian. När de andra säger ’hoppa’, ’sluta simma’ och ’sätt eld på repet’. Vi är de som ber dig att låta bli.”

Sebastian ser på sina händer. En av sprickorna stängs. Sedan en till. Han håller de osynliga ärren mot sin kind och undrar hur man gör för att leva med dem utan att leva i dem. Sedan sluter han ögonen igen, sover hela natten där i sanden.
Han drömmer. Inte att han springer, som han brukar. Inte att han faller eller drunknar. Han drömmer att han klättrar nu, uppför ett rep, till toppen av en klippa. När han vaknar är han ensam bredvid hålet. Han släpper repet, det faller länge mot botten, landar med en mjuk duns. I sanden långt där nere kan pojken ännu läsa det som trollet skrev när det sa ”bara vara” och pojken frågade ”vara vad?”.

”Sebastian”, står det. Bara det.

Han sitter kvar med fötterna dinglande över kanten och väntar på ljudet av regn mot bubblans tak. Men inget kommer, och långt borta ser han något annat, något han glömt hur det ser ut. Ett streck i himlen, uppifrån och ner. Sebastian måste lägga huvudet på sned så att nacken låter som bubbelplast innan han slutligen förstår vad det är.

En spricka i glaset. Bara en enda. Han kan precis få ut handen genom den. Hans mamma rör hans fingertoppar på andra sidan. Han hör henne vråla hans namn in i bubblan, och han viskar:
”Du måste inte skrika, mamma…jag…hör dig.”
”Sebastian…”, viskar hon då som bara den som gett ett barn dess namn kan viska det.
”Ja, mamma”, svarar han.
”Vad kan jag göra för dig?” snyftar hon.
Sebastian funderar länge innan han till sist svarar:
”Frukost. Jag skulle vilja ha…frukost.”

När hans mamma viskar att hon älskar honom faller snö från himlen. Men när den landar inuti bubblan är det inte frusna flingor, det är nyfälld päls, små fjun av ludd som lägger sig till rätta mjukt och svalt på Sebastians hud. Det är fortfarande tidigt, kanske har han inte ord för det här än, men tids nog kanske han kan berätta om det. En dag när någon säger något och han kanske skrattar för första gången. Eller när han skrattar som om det vore första gången, om och om igen. Skrattar som om någon för väldigt längesedan hittat skrattet sönderslaget på marken i en skog efter en storm, och tagit hem det och tagit hand om det, tills skrattet var starkt nog att bli utsläppt i det vilda igen. Och då lyfter det från hustaken, rakt upp mot himlen, som om någon släppt en ballong för att göra den lycklig. Om hundratusen år, kanske.

Han blinkar mot ljuset när soluppgången försiktigt drar i molnen tills natten släpper. Det ligger en lapp i hans ficka. Han kommer hitta den snart.

”Hoppa inte”, står det skrivet där, med någons vackraste bokstäver.

”hoppa inte

snälla sebastian

hoppa inte

för vi vill så gärna veta

vem du kan bli

om du inte gör det.”

 

 

Bara det.

7 435 kommentarer

  1. Hur psykisk ohälsa känns är svårt att sätta ord på men du lyckades bra med detta. Tack för en fin, sorglig och träffande text ♡

  2. Den första text jag läst som verkligen kan beskriva det. Tack. Och tack igen för alla tårar.

  3. Så fantastiskt! Tack för alla vackra ord!
    Ett riktigt gott 2018 önskar jag dig & de dina

  4. Fredrik, du skriver alltid om kärlek i ljuset och i mörkret där vi människor befinner oss. Tack för att mörkret fick ord och kärlek!

  5. Älskar ditt språk sedan jag läste första krönikorna för många år sedan. Fastnade och älskade genast Ove-boken och alla de andra. Du beskriver människor och känslor som ingen annan. Älskar Det! Tack, Tack, tack för dina ord ?

  6. Vilken helt fantastisk text och jag som lärare på högstadiet skulle så gärna vilja använda den i undervisningen med mina elever om det är okej? En text som verkligen kommer kunna fånga dem och skapa förståelse, diskussioner och gemenskap!

  7. Tårarna rinner..ett fantastisk sätt att få ord på det som gör så ont inuti men inte går att ta på..en skillsmässa gör så här ont. Men jag kommer att överleva jag tar repet!
    Tack❤️

  8. Tack Fredrik för att du sätter ord på det allt för många känner! Det ökar inte bara förståelsen men gör det lättare för anhöriga att våga prata, att våga fråga. Jag arbetar i psykiatrin och om det är ok kommer jag låna din text till ett par av mina patienter. Stödjer regelbundet (H)järnkoll och Suicide Zero. All kärlek till dig.

  9. Tack för hur du använder dina ord. Älskar din känsla för språket och det spröda mänskliga, och blir gång på gång imponerad av ditt civilkurage. Tack för att du delar med dig. Var rädd om dig och familjen. ❤️

  10. WOW. Du har en så fantastisk gåva att sätta ord på sådant som en annan trodde det var nästan omöjligt att sätta ord på. Dina ord berör och jag hoppas du ska orka fortsätta länge till. Ta hand om dig och din familj.

  11. Känslan i det du skriver går inte att beskriva på ett mer lämpligt sätt. Du gör det så bra! Sluta aldrig skriva! Tack ☺

  12. Å så vackert! Du har ett sällsamt språk som jag bara älskar. Ditt språk glider rakt in i mig som om det gled på en motorväg. Bara rakt in! ❤️

  13. Alltså Fredrik ?
    Återigen får du mig att fulgråta så det står härliga till. Tack!

  14. Underbart! Fantastisk gåva du har – att kunna känna in och förstå från insidan och beskriva det med både allvar, humor, kärlek och medkänsla – som vinner! Osho!?

  15. Tack för en underbar text. Tårarna rinner. Du har satt ord på vart min son (10 år) befinner sig. Jag hoppas att han snart hittar sitt troll och jag hoppas att denna text kan hjälpa honom på traven.
    Swishar Bris. Tack!

  16. Jag berättar rätt ofta om hur länge jag följt dig. Hur du alltid lyckas beröra mig med dina texter. Hur du skriver om det tramsiga – men också om det djupaste viktiga. På ett sätt som går rakt in i mitt hjärta och får mig att vilja ROPA ut att det här måste ALLA läsa! Nu har du gjort det igen. Tack!!

  17. Altså. Igjen og igjen lykkes du beskrive det vanskelige (svåra),det vakre, det stygge, det gode, det sårbare, det menneskelige LIVET på en så ufattelig vakker og enkel måte. Godt nyttår til deg, din familie, Sebastian og alle trollene.

  18. Återigen underbara ord skrivet precis med huvudet på spiken…. tänk om min vän hunnit läsa den innan julafton… då kanske hon hade varit med oss idag…. Älskar dina böcker och lusläser din blogg… Gott Nytt År och jag hoppas att du återhämtar dig och orkar med livet igen ?

  19. Mycket fin text! All mobbning skapade min bubbla. Har Aspergers syndrom. Innan jag började i skolan var jag glad. Min mamma frågade mig vart hennes glada lilla flicka tog vägen. Hon dog med mobbningen, svarade jag. Än idag kämpar jag med att komma ut ur bubblan………. Är 43 år.

  20. Fantastiskt text som grep mitt hjärta och som fick mig att förstå hur det är .

  21. Jag kan inte lova att jag aldrig kommer att klaga på din inaktivitet igen.

    När du är bra är du bra, när du är helt #$@! fantastisk är du fantastisk.

    (Jag uppfann ett nytt mantra nånstans i höjd med Ove. ”Jävla Backman”. Lather, rinse,repeat. Kom till användning här :-))

  22. Fantastisk och träffande text! Den här måste du göra något av så att den når långt och fler kan läsa den.. Den beskriver så väl hur det kan kännas och ger hopp om en ljusare framtid.. ❤️
    Kanske ett samarbete med ”Aldrig ensam” ”Mind” och barnpsykiatrin?
    Heja dig Fredrik! ❤️

  23. Tack för en underbar, träffande, smärtsam sorglig och vacker berättelse. ?❤️? Tack, Tack, T A C K!!! Från en som förlorade sin mamma till rösterna som bad henne hoppa, och som själv kämpat med att inte lyssna på dem det senare året.

  24. Vilken underbar berättelse.Igen!
    Tack för novellen Ditt Livs Affär! Har den signerade boken och lyssnade på din uppläsning på Storytel. Du är helt fenomenal! Swish till Sucisidal Zero!

  25. Den här texten var den absolut bästa och finaste jag läst. Jag kommer aldrig att glömma den. Den berörde långt, långt in ❤????

  26. Jag fick efterlysa min dotter på 13år i söndags natt. Polisen hittade henne efter flera timmar. Hon är helt vilse och instängd i sin bubbla. Hon kämpar med att hitta sig själv och att acceptera att hon är lite annorlunda.
    Din text berör mig in i hjärtat eftersom jag själv levt i den i många långa år. Nu sitter jag utanför dotterns skal och kan bara vänta. Jag smeker hennes bubbla och håller om henne när jag får. Jag lovar henne att jag finns här och att hon en dag kommer hitta sin väg ut.
    Hon ska få din text av dig och jag hoppas hon finner tröst och styrka i den

  27. Jag högläste den här för pojkvännen som satt och grät för att den var så fin och träffande. Sen läste vi ”Och varje morgon blir vägen hem längre och längre” och grät båda två. Tack ♡

  28. Vad fint Fredrik, jag swishar Min Stora Dag då jag är volontär och vet att dem gör ett fantastiskt jobb för sjuka barn. Blandannat med psykisk ohälsa.

  29. Stort tack för att du hittar orden på sånt som är svårt att förmedla! Har precis kommit ut från ur en tjock stålbubbla så grät en skvätt. Swischar Mind.

  30. Tack Fredrik för denna vackra nära berättelse. Tack för att du ger ord åt det som personen känner inne i kroppen, och inte det som de andra som är utanför känner. Det behövs fler berättelser om hur det känns inuti.

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