I en hotellreception. Vanliga sortens semester.

Jag: Hello.

Receptionist: Hello.

Jag: My keycard doesn’t work.

Receptionist: (En smula med ansiktsuttrycket som om jag precis påtalat att det är ormar i poolen) It doesn’t work?

Jag: (Med min nervösa engelska, som jag högst ofrivilligt använder när jag pratar med hotellreceptionister, utländska poliser samt Apple Support) Yes. Or I mean no. I can’t open the door to our room with the keycard. And I’m guessing that’s the…you know…what the keycard is supposed to do. To open doors. So I think maybe it doesn’t work.

Receptionist: (Nickar mycket länge.) Have you accidentally left your keycard near your mobile phone?

Jag: How do you mean?

Receptionist: (Skakar på huvudet mycket, mycket länge. Börjar tala mycket, mycket långsamt.) Have you. Accidentally. Left your. Keycard. Near your mobile. Phone?

Jag: I wouldn’t exactly call it ”accidentally”. I mean, you see, I only have one pocket in my shorts. (Visar den enda fickan i mina shorts. Som är shorts av enfickesmodell.)

Receptionist: (Nickar mycket, mycket, mycket länge. Drar ut en aning på vokalerna.) So you accidentally left your keycard near your mobile phone?

Jag: They were in my pocket. So yes. But no. It was no accident. I think I did it…med flit. On purpose? Is that the word? Then I did it on that.

Receptionist: (Ser besviken ut, lite så som man kanske skulle se ut om man lät någon vakta sin katt och sedan kom hem och upptäckte att kattvakten accidentally left the cat near a öppen spis.) I will have to get you a new keycard.

Jag: Thankyou. That is nice of you. Sorry. I’m…stupid. About the one pocket. I will buy new shorts. Promise.

Receptionist: (Ger mig inget nytt nyckelkort, om jag ska vara helt ärlig, bara samma kort som han kört fram och tillbaka i en liten maskin, men jag säger ingenting om det eftersom han pratar en aning med tonläget som om han precis gett mig ett lasersvärd och kraften att förgöra universum.) But you have to be VERY careful and not leave it near your mobile phone!

Jag: (Eventuellt lite för ivrigt.) I promise. I will not leave it near anything. It will be…free.

Receptionist: (Synar mig uppifrån och ner) Anything else?

Jag: I would also need some…what is the word…beach towels! Is that the word? Yes. I need those.

Receptionist: (En aning som om jag försvarat mig med ”det var faktiskt katten själv som hoppade”.) You mean p-o-o-l towels?

Jag: Do I mean that?

Receptionist: (Lutar sig ganska bestämt över disken) The pool towels are only for use near the pool. They are n-o-t for use at the beach.

Jag: (Med mitt nervösa Apple Support-skratt.) Okey. But in my defense the beach is VERY near the pool in this hotel! Yes? It says so in the commercial. You know? VERY near!


Jag: (Harklar mig) It’s a very nice hotel. In all sorts…and ways. The beach is also…great.

Receptionist: (Blinkar inte på jättelänge) The pool towels are in your room. But they are not for use at the beach. Only. Near. The. Pool.

Jag: How…near?

Receptionist: Excuse me?

Jag: I was just…nevermind…it doesn’t play any role. I…yes. Can I pay for the pool towels if I lose them? Beacause I kind of…lost them. Man can say.


Receptionist: (Med tonläget så att det känns som att vi är tillbaka på det där med katten) How did you lose them?


Jag: Maybe I accidentally left them near my mobile phone?


Jag: (Harklar mig) I have Master Card.

371 kommentarer

  1. Jag har en föraning om hur det tredje världskriget kommer att starta…

  2. Alltså… hur orkar du…?? hahaha.. ”it doesn´t play any role” Underbart!

  3. Alltså… jag avlider! ”It doesn’t play any role”!
    Och egentligen, vad f… är grejen med att typ VISA-kort och grejer (typ key cards) kan trasa sönder sig om de hamnar lite för near en mobil? Värry dåligt tycker jag..

  4. En annan grej – Den där receptionisten, hen borde fasen ta semester. Nånstans långt bort från folk, det verkar vara long overdue med det nämligen.
    Semester alltså.Till nåt ställe utan keycards. Eller mobiltelefoner…
    Mvh, Hockeysmurf som råkade bli Anonym i förra kommentaren

  5. ”och upptäckte att kattvakten accidentally left the cat near a öppen spis.” Min sambo undrar vad jag gör när jag skrattar!

  6. Haha. Tack! Satt nyss och längtade efter en resa men längtan försvann efter denna påminnelse över hur jobbigt jag själv tycker det är med engelska och dessa jäkla rumskort som alltid slutar fungera!

  7. Haha jag vill bara tacka för dagens garv och för att du delar med dig av din vardag.

  8. @M…
    Tror receptionsincidenten gör att korrekt frågeställning skall vara ”avstängd från wifi?” snarare än ”fungerar ej?” 🙂

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