Going places. Eller inte.

Jag ska till Tyskland imorgon. Ensam. Eller jag ska till Danmark först, och sedan Tyskland, tror jag. Eller om det möjligen är tvärtom. Var ligger Flensburg? Jag tror att det är dit jag ska först. Hur som helst: Det är alltså en litteraturfestival på gränsen mellan Danmark och Tyskland som jag ska till, och trots att det är en litteraturfestival har någon alltså bjudit in mig. Exakt till vilket av länderna är möjligen inte helt och hållet klarlagt men jag litar på att det löser sig när jag landar.

Jag har i alla fall därför, som brukligt är när jag ska resa någonstans själv, ägnat hela den här dagen åt att överväga olika strategier för att inte tappa bort mitt pass eller/och mitt boardingkort någonstans på flygplatsen den här gången. De senaste resorna jag har gjort utan min fru har jag nämligen glömt passet ovanpå en bardisk i Finland och boardingkortet ovanpå en burk vingummin i en tax free-butik i Tyskland. I London glömde jag båda två på Lego Ninjago-avdelningen i en leksaksbutik. Vid två av tillfällena har jag dessutom köat till fel gate för att jag tydligen lider av svår informationstavlexi och därefter fått rusa över hela flygplatsen när de har ropat efter mig i högtalarna.

Jag vill minnas att det var i London som flygvärdinnan till sist gick med på att släppa ombord mig på planet utan boardingkort för att hon inte orkade tjafsa mer med mig och bara ville att planet skulle kunna lyfta i tid, men ångrade sig när jag försökte dra ett skämt om hela situationen som började någonstans i ”I am very…tankspridd, you know, I spread my thoughts one can say. And my stuff.” och slutade ungefär med ”I would be a very sucky terrorist”.

Min fru säger att ”resfeber” är huvudvärken som alla runtomkring mig får när jag ska resa någonstans.

Så alla förslag på hur man håller reda på viktiga grejer på en flygplats tas tacksamt emot i kommentarsfältet. (”Ge dem till din fru” är alltså just den här gången inte ett jättebra förslag eftersom hon inte ska med. Men annars har ni helt rätt.)

184 kommentarer

  1. Du kan tejpa det runt magen.
    Kan iofs skapa sekundära problem med att tejpa saker runt magen och samtidigt åka flygplan men det är viktigt ur ett rent logistiskt perspektiv att lösa just problem i rätt ordning.

    Trevlig resa! Och hälsa danmarkstyskarna.

  5. Tror på det sättet som ensamma barn reser. Unaccompanied Minor. En flygvärdinna möter vid incheckning. Man får en påse i ett snöre runt halsen där alla detaljer om resan står. Säkert någon slags godkännande från föräldrarna att barnet får resa ensamt och sånt också (din fru kanske kan övertalas om att skriva ett sånt till dig…). Flygvärdninnan följer med hela vägen till sätet ombord. Tror du kan få en leksak att underhålla dig med på flygresan med. När du landar upprepas proceduren och du överlämnas till föräldrar (eller fru/agent/litteraturfestivalsansvarig).

  6. Passet behöver du inte om du ska till tysk-mark. E-biljeten heter lösningen på ditt andra problem För telefonen håller du reda på , eller hur

  7. Jag glömde passet hemma en gång när jag reste till Polen för massa år sedan, men kom på det på väg till flygplatsen så jag fick vända och hämta det. Och sedan när jag skulle igenom säkerhetskontrollen så fick man tydligen inte ha tandkrämstuber i handbagaget, så jag fick slänga den. Det gjorde mig så upprörd att jag glömde boardingkortet i plastlådan för värdesaker, och när jag gick tillbaka för att hämta det var jag så sen att de efterlyste mig genom högtalarna. Men annars gick det bra. Den gången.

  10. Litet hål i hörnen och så ett snöre genom där som du sedan hänger runt halsen! Testa! Du måste tappa bort dig själv för att kunna tappa bort passet och boarding kortet ?

  11. Hat du testat att sätta fast det runt exempelvis en burk vingummin eller något, du kan ju omöjligt glömma varken pass eller något annat om det sitter fast i något ätbart!

  13. Ät upp burk ”Ben & Jerry”. Rengör den. Lägg värdesakerna i den. Liten risk att du förlägger en burk B&J. Lycka till.

  14. Eftersom passet anses ogiltigt om du slår hål i det så skulle jag inte rekommendera snörmetoden som föreslogs ovan…

    Så länge du reser inom Schengen – Skaffa nationellt ID-kort. Kan man ha i plånboken typ jätteenkelt. Sen stoppar du ner boardingkortet där också. För plånboken tappar du väl inte bort? Du måste ju kunna köpa ost och öl.

    Eller så sväljer du all form av stolthet och skaffar en Fannypack. Eller midjeväska som det heter på svenska.

  15. Till Flensburg kan man åka tåg. Busenkelt. Byte i Köpenhamn bara. Då behöver du inget boardingpass och skulle du råka glömma nånting i restaurangvagnen är det ju bara att gå tillbaka och hämta det.

  16. Boardingpasset har du såklart i telefonen. Väldigt smidigt. Och passet kanske i en innerficka på jackan? Inte i handen iallafall. (I värsta fall…. midjeväska… Schhhh, säg inte att jag sa det…)

  20. Oh wow, någon som inte uppfattar saker visuellt? Själv har jag motsatt problem, uppfattar ingenting alls audiellt (ens om man ropar mitt namn i högtalarna) men visa det för mig på en skärm så klarnar allting!

  21. Håller med Cia här ovan. Be att få resa som barn, med en flygvärdinna som kan övervaka dig och dina saker. Alternativt midjeväska, men de är ju så vansinnigt fula, och förmodligen kommer du ändå lägga ur både pass och boardingkort när du inser hur praktiska de är att förvara godis i.

  22. Skaffa en såndär påse man hänger om halsen och stoppar in innanför tröjan. Lägg plånkan och luren där också.
    Värst är ju på Heathrow där gaten kommer upp i samma ögonblick som det står boarding! Det tar sedan 15-20 minuter att rusa bort dit och så när man kommer fram har i alla fall inte påbörjat boarda! Jag är en person med resfeber de lux och får nästan panik av sånt här. Fast jag vet att om jag checkat in en väska ska det mycket till innan dom sticker utan mig. Då måste de leta rätt på väskan först….

  24. numera finns det smala midjeväskor som knappt synd. de är tänjbara och blir bara precis så stora som behövs… annars var kepsen bra

  26. Pass behöver du inte inom Schengen och du tycks hyfsat säker på att du ska till Tyskland och/eller Danmark så då räcker tex körkort som identifikation.
    Har oktoberfest börjat än?

  27. Får du problem får du gå och köpa en av dina egna böcker och peka på profil bilden och säga ”don’t you see this is me very fejmus swedish författare!”

  30. Jag tycker att det är supergulligt med tankspridda människor, jag tycker du utser mig till din pass/biljetter/nycklar/andra viktiga värdesakershållare! Så var problemet löst! Jag tar inte mycket plats och håller mig i bakgrunden! Deal?

  31. Framstående författare borde få ha ett eget entourage( assistenter eller ledsagare) med sig på resan. Som ser till att du behöver bara föra en fot framför den andra och fixar allt annat runt i kring. För världsstjärnor kan ju kräva vad som helst annars som tex: endast blå m&m:s i godisskolen, egen massör med mer.. Dags att kräva detta vid bokning nästa gång 🙂

  33. Eller så lånar du en handväska/axelväska av din fru…om hon nu har nån i tillräckligt skabbigt skick för att låta dig använda den…;-)

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