Delmål, slutmål, mellanmål.

Det får väl möjligen anses vara allmänt känt vid det här laget att min fru och jag inte delar uppfattning om vilka saker här i livet som är prydnader och vilka saker som är födointag. Enklast förklaras väl skillnaderna oss emellan genom vilka tre bokstäver vi använder för att beskriva ett foto på Instagram föreställandes ett rådjur. Min fru använder ”naw”. Jag använder ”mmm”.

Och allt det där är givetvis helt okej. Vi respekterar varandras olikheter. Hon respekterar att jag gillar hamburgare och jag respekterar att hon gillar påhittad mat.

Eller i normala fall gör vi det. Respekterar varandra.

Men nu har vi tyvärr nyligen varit i ett sådant där socialt sammanhang igen där min fru har överdrivit saker och ting inför andra människor, helt i onödan, och därför känner jag faktiskt att det är på sin plats med ett officiellt klargörande. Alltså:

När min fru säger att ”till frukost brukar Fredrik äta filmjölk och flingor och sedan rör han ner jordnötssmör, rostad lök, bacon och bearnaisesås iii fiiilmjölken!”, då är det en ren och skär lögn.

Jag ”brukar” inte göra det.

Jag har gjort det kanske max två eller tre gånger när hon har varit med. Och det har varit när jag har varit bakfull och jag inte har orkat hämta en extra tallrik och jag har tänkt att det kommer ju ändå blandas i munnen.

Jag accepterar att min fru och jag har olika syn på livet, men att hon står och säger till folk på en fest att ”Fredriks matvanor är som en gren i Fear Factor”, det är faktiskt en överdrift på gränsen till kränkning.

Jag vill bara ha det sagt.

Nu står min fru här och tittar över min axel och muttrar att hon ska ”läcka alla sms som skickats från din telefon till pizzerian här nere de senaste fem åren”. Så nu måste jag tydligen skaffa en burner med kontantkort, som knarklangarna i The Wire alltid fick göra när deras fruar la sig i deras snacks.

Men om någon undrar så gillar jag mina pizzor som jag gillar min filmjölk. Fast med fler sorters ost.

194 kommentarer

  1. Jag ser lite affärsmöjligheter för pizzerior med utkörning..Fast å andra sidan kanske det är lite svårt att få leverans till ”källaren på 2G. Knacka tre långa och tre korta” eller ”Garaget på gatan nr 155, 3:e från vänster. Knacka 4 snabba och säg kodordet ”flamingo”.

  2. Jag hoppades att det skulle växa bort på 5-åriga systerdottern men nu funderar jag på om man inte borde söka hjälp. Har du provat någon behandling som vi inte behöver testa?

  3. På en skala mellan ett till ljusblått, hur på riktigt är detta egentligen? Bearnaise i filen???

  4. I rättvisans namn borde du byta namn på bloggen till ”Fredrik Backmans och hans frus blogg” alt. ”Familjen Backmans blogg”

    Kan Berglins lägga till ett s så kan du. 😉

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