Spy game

Min pappa och jag skulle åka tunnelbana tillsammans in till centrala Stockholm idag. Vi skulle mötas vid biljettspärren. Jag var ett par minuter sen, så pappa stod och väntade precis utanför, uppenbart oerhört pappastressad. Det är en alldeles särskild sorts stress, som man bara har om man ska göra saker med sina barn, jag begrep inte det förrän jag själv blev förälder. Pappor kan till exempel inte stå i kö tillsammans med sina barn, om de är själva går det alldeles utmärkt men om de har sina barn med sig så börjar det liksom rycka i dem. De börjar kolla på klockan och gå i små cirklar sådär som hundar gör precis innan de lägger sig för att sova, och de grymtar meningar som börjar med ”det var då ett jävla…” och slutar med ”själva fan” och däremellan är det liksom bara långsamt uttalade basljud. Det låter som om någon har satt dåliga batterier i en Chewbacca-docka. Det är pappastressen.

Och idag, eftersom jag var sen, var min pappa pappastressad som fan.

Så när jag kom nerför trapporna, och var kanske tio meter bort, då vinkade han irriterat åt mig. Och sen gick han jättefort genom spärren. Så när jag kom genom spärren och ställde mig i rulltrappan, då stod pappa tio meter längre ner i samma rulltrappa. Så jag började gå ner för att ställa mig bredvid, men då började pappa också genast gå. Så vi gick nerför hela rulltrappan (det är alltså en trappa som RÖR sig!) och i samma sekund som pappa nådde perrongen så började han gå jättesnabbt längs den. Så att jag fick jogga efter, och när tåget kom så valde han givetvis den dörr som var längst bort i tåget så att han PRECIS hann in genom dörren och jag kom efter och klämde mig in som om jag var den där killen som Patrick Swayze snackar med i Ghost. (Jag var kanske en halv sekund från att BLI Patrick Swayze i Ghost och då hade vi haft den här diskussionen genom att jag drog mynt upp och ner längs en dörr och det hade inte blivit någon bra blogg, det ska ni ha klart för er.)

Och när vi väl var på tunnelbanan så satte sig pappa där det bara fanns en ledig plats, och det var rätt mycket folk, så jag stod tio meter längre in i vagnen hela vägen till stan. Och när vi väl skulle gå av så upprepades mönstret: Pappa gick före, jättesnabbt, och jag joggade efter i trängseln.

Och sen tappade pappa sin vante. Och först märkte han det inte, så han gick bara vidare och försvann i folkmassan. Och precis när jag stannade och böjde mig ner och plockade upp vanten så tänkte jag: ”Det är exakt så här vi skulle ha gjort överlämningen av mikrofilmen, om vi var…”

Och, ja, ni ju hur det är.

Ni vet den där fasen man hade när man var liten och såg spionfilmer och man plötsligt började tänka: ”Tänk om pappa egentligen är en topphemlig agent som utför topphemliga uppdrag och att hela den här ’vanlig pappa som jobbar på försäkringsbolag’ bara är en oerhört sofistikerad täckmantel”?

Jag är inte helt och hållet ute ur den fasen.

Inte helt och hållet.

(Och precis när jag kom upp ur tunnelbanan så hade pappa satt sig på en bänk utanför, och jag trodde att han var trött så jag satte mig också på bänken, men i exakt samma rörelse reste sig pappa utan att säga ett ord åt mig och började gå därifrån. Och då kände jag lite snabbt under bänken om det eventuellt satt ett litet rör fasttejpat där med ett hemligt krypterat meddelande inuti. Det hade ni också gjort. Alla normala människor hade gjort det i min situtation. Jag tänker fan inte be om ursäkt fler gånger nu för att det kom gammalt tuggummi på pappas vante.)

284 kommentarer

  1. Haha! När märkte du att du blandat ihop kontaktlinserna med barnens låtsatstatueringar igen och att det bara var en man som var ovanligt lik din far? (Fast med mer skräck i blicken)

  2. Hm, sådan är inte min far, men min dotter är precis så! Vi går till pendeln varje dag på det sättet, ”otillsammans”, by her design… Jag försöker jämka min fart, om tid finnes, springa ifatt (behövs sällan, varför går tonårsmonster så sakta?) försöker få henne att gå bredvid mig med små glada tillrop, lätta beröringar samt mimik och div. gester. Funkar inte 🙁 Hon går ett par meter före, ett par meter efter och alternativa vägar där gräs försöker spira eller bilar sover. Allt för att inte gå bredvid mamman på gångvägen… Konstigt! Till saken hör ju att hon inte tycker att jag är pinsam såsom så många tonårsmonster tycker om sina föräldrar! Vissa människor kanske helt enkelt inte känner sig komfortabla med att färdas i grupp? Även om ”gruppen” är älskad?

  3. Alltså, vilken underbar start jag fick på dagen! 🙂
    Skönt att man inte är ensam om att, i yngre dar i alla fall, tro att ens förälder vid något eller flera tillfällen faktiskt är en superhjälteagentspion av nåt slag.

  4. ..å jag som var helt säker på att ”spy” i ”spy game” hade en helt annan innebörd för dig så här års, Fredrik! 😉

  5. Alltså… Nu vet jag ju att det inte är du som gjort filmen ”Ove”, men utan din bok hade det faktiskt aldrig kunnat bli någon film. Så då tycker jag att det är befogat att gratulera dig till att filmen vann pris för bästa europeiska komedi på European Film Awards!
    Grattis!

  7. Grattis till priset!

    Har precis lyssnat färdigt på Björnstad och måste bara säja att du gjort det igen.
    Denna stora värme för den lilla människan som har gått som en röd tråd genom alla dina böcker fortsätter även i denna . Det bränner många gånger bakom ögonlocken både av glädje och sorg. Tack !

  8. Bäste Fredrik Backman,
    Jag läser boken Björnstad och ville egentligen bara säga att jag inte tänker läsa klart den.
    Inte riktigt än. Har inte många sidor kvar, men är lite orolig för hur den slutar.
    Så jag gör allt för att inte läsa färdigt. Har lagat en Bolognese från grunden – den som gjort det utan köttkvarn vet hur lång tid det tar. Lagat, ätit och njutit. Familjen också.
    Kan tänka mig att göra en sjukt komplicerad efterrätt också. För jag vill ha kvar lite av Björnstad.
    Kan ingenting om hockey och fortfarande efter 450 sidor kan jag inte en enda hockeyregel – svårt att förstå när men läst en hel bok om denna sport.
    Men man förstår känslorna och spelet.

    Tack för de första 450 sidorna, jag tar nog mod till mig och läser slutet snart
    Kanske redan ikväll.
    När jag ätit efterrätten.

  9. Hej!
    Jag ska ge bort Björnstad i julklapp till min mamma. Hon älskar julklappsrim och jag är jättebra på att läsa rim men inte på att skriva dom.
    Därför tänkte jag höra om självaste Backman har ett rim om sin senaste bästsäljare?

  10. Fredrik, jag måste få beklaga mig! Du vet att Ida-Klara/bumpo köpte Björnstad åt mig på mässan? Du signerade och så. Toppenbra! Men. PostMord. Första gången hon skickade den så kom den helt plötsligt tillbaka till henne. Andra gången hon skickade så har PostMord snott den! 🙁 Min bok! :'( Jag har lyssnat på den, och älskat den <3 Men jag vill ju ha den på papper också. Med ditt klotter som i mina andra böcker!
    Jävla PostMord… ;(
    Så, nu har jag klagat färdigt! Längtar tills fortsättningen kommer! Bobo är fantastisk <3

  11. Om en blogg i skogen aldrig har några nya inlägg, är det då en blogg? #livetsSvåraFrågor#

  16. Har vi tagit en paus från varandra igen? Tur vi har Instagram som lindrar abstinensen lite i alla fall.

  17. Hipp Hipp Hurra för Ove ! Det finns ju ingen hejd på honom ? Nominerad för en Oscar! Bättre kan det inte bli!
    GRATTIS !!!

  21. I natt drömde jag att jag träffade dig och skällde ut dig för att du inte bloggat på länge. Snälla, skriv ett inlägg snart så jag kan ägna mina nätter och min skönhetssömn åt trevligare saker!!

  23. Hahaha! Exakt sådär är min pappa. Jag blir helt vansinnig på honom, men det är kul att höra att det finns fler som är så. 😀

  24. Död blogg, ett säkert vårtecken på att det skrivt för fullt på bok istället. HÄRLIGT! ?

  26. Hej Fredrik, vill inte heller sätta någon press på dig då jag tänker att du antagligen har en bra anledning att inte skriva. Dock saknar jag dina texter något helt ganska otroligt mycket. Var bara det jag ville säga

  27. Har herrn glömt bort att herrn har en blog? 🙂 Snart fyller det senaste inlägget tre månader. OK, du skriver ytterligare en bok som inte är den bok förlaget förväntar sig (möjligen på en skrivmaskin från sjuttonhundrafrusitfast), men vafan? 🙂

  28. Fast helt orimligt med ett rör under en bänk med en papperslapp är det inte. Finns många geocacher som är så.

  30. Nej usch, det finns INGET jag ogillar mer än stressade människor som ska gå fort, fort, så jag inte hinner med (jag går ganska långsamt). Jag går alltid extra långsamt då som en slags försvarsmekanism, och börjar inte gå fortare igen förrän nästa dag. haha.

  31. Enligt vissa källor ska herr Backman skriva på en ny bok. Den ska visst heta: FREDRIK HÄLSAR OCH SÄGER FÖRLÅT! Förväntningarna är ganska höga har jag hört. / Lars

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