En slags blogg. En sorts person.

Ska vi blogga? Jo, men vi kan försöka.

Alltså.

Jag är en ganska ångestladdad person. Eller…ja…min fru säger att jag inte är det, för hon säger att ordet ”laddad” insinuerar att man inte har exploderat än, att man liksom håller det inom sig. Så jag är kanske mer som ett ångestläckage, om man ska vara ärlig.

Och just idag läcker jag eventuellt lite mer än vanligt eftersom jag är i USA, och jag är ju väldigt dålig på att vara överallt utom hemma. Jag flög hit igår för att människor med tveksamt omdöme på det amerikanska bokförlag som ger ut mina böcker bokade in mig på bokmässan i Chicago utan att någon civiliserad person stoppade dem, så nu ska jag prata min allra bästa Fresh Prince i Bel Air-engelska i olika konferenslokaler med människor som nog faktiskt i de allra flesta fall tycker att de väl ändå straffades tillräckligt när de läste böckerna.

Så klockan är 06.15, lokal tid, men än så länge går det här ändå över förväntan. Jag försöker intala mig själv det, i alla fall. Jag har faktiskt bara hunnit ha ungefär sju eller åtta sorters ångest. De flesta relaterade till att jag saknar kompetens att sova utan min familj i närheten. De klarar förstås det omvända alldeles utmärkt, de har redan messat att alla blev glada imorse för att inte all juice redan var slut, men jag kan inte ens somna utan min frus svinkalla fötter, de är som två förbannade ekorrar som har doppats i flytande kväve som springer över mina vader varje gång hon vänder sig om i sömnen. Man vänjer sig vid det. Och jag är inte speciellt bra på att vara utan barnen heller, och hotellsängen är alldeles för mjuk så inatt fick jag få ner till receptionen och fråga om de hade något Lego jag kunde gömma slumpmässigt på olika ställen under lakanen.

Jag är väl, om man nu ska vara lite mer generell, inte speciellt bra på att bo på hotell över huvud taget. Jag känner mig för det mesta som att jag smugit in på en exklusiv klubb med falskleg och nu är det bara en tidsfråga innan vakterna upptäcker mig ELLER tills det visar sig att alla andra härinne egentligen är vampyrer.

Och jag är inte jättebra på nya miljöer, det har vi ju pratat om förut. Häromdagen bytte de plats på papperstunnan och plasttunnan vid vår lokala återvinningsstation och det fuckade fan upp hela min vecka.

Och jag är inte jättebra på jetlag.

Och kaffet är lite blaskigt.

Och det finns inget svenskt Netflix här.

Och jag är ganska flygrädd och nu ska jag flyga fem gånger på tio dagar. (Om jag dör så vill jag förresten, om det inte är för mycket besvär, gärna att prästen avslutar begravningen med orden ”Andra sidan är ni klara?”.)

Så…ja.

Jag har messat lite med min fru och hon föreslog att jag kanske kunde ”blogga om det där eller något” eftersom hon tydligen var upptagen. Så nu gör jag det.

Om någon av er händelsevis har undrat varför jag har bloggat så lite under våren kan det alltså bero på att jag helt enkelt inte har tyckt tillräckligt synd om mig själv.

Men nu börjar det ordna upp sig.

1 612 kommentarer

  1. Heja dig! Lego i sängen låter bra, kolla om du kan få några iskalla flaskor att ha vid vaderna också så kommer du sova som en stock i natt. Svenskt netflix kan du ordna om du använder svenskt vpn, t ex finns https://privatevpn.com/se där du kan skaffa det. Så kul att läsa det du skriver! Hoppas du gör kaos med frukostpotatisarna. 🙂

  2. Jag känner mig lite lurad på historien om hur kaffemaskinen gick sönder som utlovades i ett tidigare inlägg. Den hade jag verkligen sett fram emot.

  3. Att nu, som jag gör, glädjas över att någon mår dåligt känns lite kymigt – men det kan inte hjälpas.

  4. Du kanske kan be någon representant från bokförlaget ta reda på var du kan hitta bra kepsar?
    Eller en antikvitetsaffär, där du kan titta på skrivmaskiner.

    Jag blir så varm i hjärtat när du beskriver sin frus fötter, som ekorrar, doppade i flytande kväve och hur mycket du saknar din familj.

  5. @Lena Menar du att du tipsar Backman om VPN-tunnel?! Bwahahaha. Det är ju som att be en fisk att cykla. ?

  6. I’m excited you’re in the US as I am planning to meet you next Wednesday in Boston! Anyone who doesn’t understand your writing is odd. I love, love, love your books. I’m excited also, as I just found out how to translate your blog.

    Now to try my new translation app!
    Jag är glad att du är i USA som jag planerar att träffas nästa onsdag i Boston! Den som inte förstår ditt skrivande är udda. Jag älskar, älskar, älskar dina böcker. Jag är glad också, som jag fick just reda på hur man översätter din blogg.

  7. Oj, aj, det gjorde faktiskt lite ont att läsa ditt ångestläckande inlägg, men det finns väl massa Ben & Jerry’s ”over there” som du kan trösta dig med!? Kanske finns det nån ny smak som inte finns här hemma, och hey, du kan ju lägga burken (eller vad det nu heter) på dina ben när du ska sova så känns det som om din fru är där (och skulle du råka somna ifrån glassen så kan du ju alltid äta den smälta glassen som yoghurt till frukost när du vaknar). Hang in there!

  8. Så din fru kommer från Burträsk alltså….d va som faen! 🙂

    ….för er sörlänningar så är det annars allmänt känt att just människor från Burträsk är rikligt behårade under sina fötter….finns en tydlig koppling med behåringen till deras uttalade ovilja till kroppsarbete.

  9. I wanted to say your books make me wish I could read Swedish. I’ve started baking dreams…

  10. Behöver vi skramla till borgen eller finns det någon annan förklaring till det sparsamma bloggandet? Kanske fastnat i en kepsaffär? Remingtonskrivmaskiner? Guantanamo (jo, efter att ha läst om dina resebravader inom-, och utomrikes så ser vi det som en reell risk…)? Och det vore ju tråkigt…

  11. Oj, fanns vissa bitar som jag själv kunde känna igen mig i. Speciellt biten med att jag har svårt med att vara på ställen som inte är hemma.

    Detta är faktiskt första gången jag kikar in här. Du driver en intressant blogg, ska fortsätta kika in. 🙂

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