God förmiddag. God nyår.

Jaha, joho, minsann. Bloggen tog jullov, vilket väl eventuellt inte påverkade någons vardag  betänkligt eftersom både ni och jag och alla andra förhoppningsvis varit upptagna med att äta ost, så som Gud avsåg. Och så här blir det ju ibland nu, när bloggen bor ensam och inte på en stor sajt med redaktörer och direktörer och olika sorters män med dyra tröjor och ”strateg” i arbetsbeskrivningen som ringer och hotar att control+alt+deleta mina knäskålar IRL om jag inte uppdaterar regelbundet. Ibland tar bloggen ledigt medan jag skriver mer dumheter på annat håll. Just precis nu skriver jag en ny bok och ett par andra grejer och ett eller annat brev till utvecklarna av John Madden Football angående den horribla övervärderingen av somliga av Philadelphia Eagles wide recievers. Vi får se hur det artar sig.

Men skit i det.

Nytt år, nya möjligheter. Till att börja med har min familj och jag spelat vinterkräksjukeroulette i fyra olika hushåll i tre olika städer under julhelgen. Reglerna för detta är förstås enkla: Man låter en förkyld tvååring slicka på en gaffel och stoppa tillbaka den i besticklådan. Och sen dukar man. Förra vintern vann jag fyra gånger men i år har mitt immunförsvar gått fullständigt William Wallace, och jag vill givetvis inte jinxa det så här nära skolstarten men det finns förutsättningar för att detta blir mitt första jullov efter fortplantningen som jag inte får varken vinterkräksjuka, influensa eller någon form av ögonskada som kräver sjukhusvård. En så kallad ”småbarnsförälderns perfect game”.

Angående julen var det som vanligt: Min fru lagade all mat, planerade alla julklappar, köpte alla julklappar, slog in alla julklappar, såg till att tomten dök upp i säsongslämplig klädsel, bjöd in alla gäster och…ja. Resten. Medan jag gjorde is och laddade alla iPads. Jag tänker inte stå här och säga att vi ”delade” på ansvaret men jag tänker faktiskt inte heller stå här och acceptera att jag ”inte hjälpte till”. iPads laddar liksom inte sig själva. Eller det gör de visserligen men någon ska sätta i sladden och när man har flera gäster med separata enheter och ett begränsat antal vägguttag så kräver det ta mig fan en logistik som skulle stressa skiten ur de där börsmäklarna som står och vrålar ”sälj! SÄLJ! KÖP!” på film.

Om det inte vore för min planering så hade vi antingen haft ojämnt laddade Apple-produkter eller en släckt julgran. Men som vanligt håller alla bara på om att ”vad god MATEN var och vad FINT du har gjort det” till min fru och själv går man här som julens osjungna hjälte .

Vad mer? Tja. Min dotter får ju säga vad hon vill men leksaker nuförtiden har för fan förpackningar med säkerhetssystem som skulle få nationella insatsstyrkan att ringa sin fackrepresentant. Det är fan små plastkrokar och skruvar och spännband och skit runt varenda jävla dockfot som ska skäras och bändas och klippas bort och om man ska göra det samtidigt som en tvååring står och vrålar ”EEELSAAA!!!” i örat på en så blir man kanske lite…stressad. Och dessutom var det dålig belysning. Men när Rachel i Vänner hade den här frisyren så ville miljoner kvinnor över hela världen också ha den så jag fattar inte hur jag kan ha ”förstört julen” bara för att Elsa också har den nu. Öppna förpackningen själv då nästa gång.

Och jag har inte ätit mina barns godis. Om ni hör det så är det en lögn. Godis är naturens eget godis och naturen tillhör alla. Vi har faktiskt allemansrätt i det här landet och den är ett del av vårt nationella kulturarv som vi ska värna och vara stolta över. Någon måste stå upp för de viktiga svenska traditionerna. Godis wants to be free. Je ne regrette rien.

Och…ja. Slutligen?

Vi firade nyår hos min bästa vän i Skåne och jag drack två och en halv Black Christmas och var uppe till halv två och behövde defibrillator för att komma upp i tid till frukosten dagen efter, men om jag bara får sova ut ordentligt inatt så kommer jag vakna som en ny man imorgon bitti.

Nu står min fru här bakom mig och muttrar ”får man välja vilken man?”.

 

163 kommentarer

  2. Kommer det Lego-En-man-som-heter-Ove inom kort eller ska man gå all in på Lego Star Wars? Jag vill gärna ha Lego-Ove, Lego-SAAB och Lego-Katten.
    För övrigt ansluter jag mig helhjärtat till Beach tvåtusenmåndag.

  4. NY BOK! Underbart! Läst ut GWs senaste under julen och ska ha barn i april så tror du att du är klar till säg juni (jag förstår att april är lite tight fast jag fyller jämt och så men juni funkar bra för logistiken)? Vill också tacka (som alla andra) för Ove. Boken har gjort att jag förstår min man mycket bättre då han är just en typiskt Ove. Så tack!

  6. Väckas med defillibrator. *storögd* Waaaooow! *nytt livsmål* Fast jag vet inte vad Black Christmas är. Ännu. Antagligen mer än vad jag kan hantera. *fingrar lite förstrött på Google-appen*. Ifall jag skulle BEHÖVA väckas med defillibrator nån gång. Sånt vet man inte alltid i förväg.

  7. Lego-Ove var ju bästa idéen jag hört om på evigheter. Vi skulle köpa den!! Gärna en duplo-version också så vi inte behöver vänta så fasligt länge på att kunna leka med ”Ove” med sonen.

  9. Tur att du har din fru. Maken undrar om du överdriver och inte har gjort mer inför och under julen. Jag känner så väl igen mig i öppnandet av leksaker, vissa är fan som Forth Knox! Och återvinningsberget efter lillens allra första jul blev ju enormt.

  10. Annika:
    Black Christmas är 1 del mörk rom, 3 delar julmust och aningens citron/lime i.
    Backman: Välkommen tillbaka!

  11. Nu förstår jag defillibrator-behovet. Såklart beror det väl på storleken på delarna… men jag antar att man inte fjompar med en centiliter hit och dit. När man ändå gjort sig omaket att skaffa en lime menar jag. För lime är inget man har ligger och dräller hemma Nej det har man inte.
    Tack Joni för Info! Det fanns inte på Google råkade jag se när jag letade jättelite efter en ny last.

  13. Åh hurraaaaa Fredrik is alive (tur att det finns defibrillatorer…) och ni sötar er i kommentarsfältet as per usual. Orndingen återställd. Awesome. #teamannica

  15. Ååååh så roligt att du är tillbaka?
    Det är nog inte tänkt att man ska öppna de hårt inplastade paketen, utan bara titta lite…..

  16. Under denna julledigheten så har jag läst en man som heter Ove och min mormor hälsar och säger förlåt. Vill bara säga tack, tack för att du skriver. Jag har fulgråtit och fulskrattat om vartannat och det har varit värt varje sekund. Så tack!

  17. Vinterkräksjukeroulette ? Living on the edge!
    Såg Ove på bio häromdagen och måste bara säga tack! Så underbar historia du har skapat. Grät och skrattade om vartannat, fulgrät till och med mot slutet. Läste boken för ett par år sedan och har precis just NU börjar lyssna på den på Storytel, bara för att den är så bra. Letar samtidigt biljetter till teaterföreställningen i vår.

  21. Ny bok, bästa nyheten på länge! Precis sett En man som heter Ove och nu ska jag läsa boken ännu en gång. Aldrig läst en bok som är i närheten av att beröra så som dina böcker gör! Du är fullständigt magisk!

  23. Ja tack för ove – ska gå på bio i helgen. Lät som vår fördelning till julen men min man kunde ju skylla på halsfluss iaf (inte för det var nån skillnad ifjol) tycker bloggen är klockren!

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