Min insats som förälder, sammanfattning från helgen.

(Som jag minns det här.)

Son: Jag vill gå ut!

Dotter: Ut!

Jag: Okej. Sätt på er kläderna då.

(Tystnad)

Son: (Tar av sig alla kläderna, går mot sitt rum.)

Jag: Vart ska du nu?

Son: Leka.

Jag: Men vi ska ju gå.

Son: (Ser genuint chockad ut) Gå vart?

Jag: Ut. Du ville ju gå ut. Du måste ta på dig kläderna om vi ska gå ut.

Son: Varför?

Jag: (Djupt andetag) Varför…vadå…varför vilket? Vilken del undrar du varför? Varför vi ska gå ut eller varför du måste ha kläder på dig?

(Tystnad)

Son: Va?

Jag: Du frågade ”varför”.

Son: Nä.

Jag: Jo det gjorde du!

Son: Näää!

Jag: Vad gör du med kläderna nu då?

Son: Häller vatten på dem.

Jag: Varför det?

Son: Kul.

Jag: Men vad ska du ha på dig när vi ska gå ut då?

Son: (Helt oförstående) Ska vi gå ut?

(Min dotter vandrar iväg och börjar rita på en vägg)

Jag: Nej inte rita på väggen!

Dotter: Rita!

Jag: INTE rita på väggen!

Dotter: (Ritar på väggen)

Jag: Men alltså jag orka…gud vad jag är trött på att ingen av er någonsin lyssnar!

Son: Va?

Jag: Jag sa att jag är trött på att ingen någonsin lyssnar på mig!

Son: Jag lyssnar inte.

Jag: (Andas. Andas. Andas.) Det är ju det jag säger.

Son: (Pekar på sin lillasyster) Lyssnar hon?

Jag: Nej, det är ju det jag säger!

Son: Om hon lyssnar så lyssnar i alla fall inte jag mest.

(Kort paus för eftertanke.)

Jag: Va…eller…va?

Son: (Plötsligt svinförbannad, lägger armarna i kors) Jag lyssnar i alla fall INTE!

Jag: Det är ju det jag säger!

Son: Men jag lyssnar i alla fall inte mest! Och hon minst!

Jag: Men det är ju det jag…vad i helv…jag sa ju precis…

Son: (Pekar ursinnigt på sin lillasyster) Hon får inte lyssna!

Jag: Jag fattar inte vad du tjafs…

Son: Jag lyssnar men inte hon!

(Tystnad)

Jag: Okej, så du…eller hon…eller alltså…

Son: Va?

Fru: (Kommer ut i hallen) Vad bråkar ni om?

Jag: DET VAR ÅTMINSTONE TIO MINUTER SEN JAG VISSTE DET!

 

176 kommentarer

  3. Är jag taskig som skrattar åt det här? Men jag garvar så jag får astmaanfall 😀
    och jag tror en hund kan va en bra idé, men å andra sidan ska man inte vara för säker på att den lyssnar heller. 😉

  8. Det kommer att bli värre. När dottern är 2.5 kommer hon att (i falsett som spräcker fönsterrutor) bidra med:
    – Neeeeej, JAAAAAG lyssnar minst!
    (följt av otröstlig storgråt som om världen gått under)

  11. Tror att ett Obi-Wan-citat passar in här…risken är väl att du kan känna dig en smula kränkt 😉

  12. Jag hörde en del liknande diskussioner i väntrummen igår. Tror inte jag är lämplig för föräldraskap och det är inte bara för att jag också heter Fredrik, bor i Helsingborg och har en förkärlek för amerikansk fotboll..

  14. Du skulle var lite tydligare i din föräldraroll 🙂 Vaddå ut, ut är ett väldigt brett begrepp!!

  16. Jag tror de sitter och skriver manus till de här scenerna innan och garvar läppen av sig inombords när de väl genomför planen 😉

  17. Jag måste varna dig för att skaffa hund. Min kollega skaffade hund precis innan semestern och när han berättar hur det har varit så låter det *exakt* som att ha barn.

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